total-insanity

it's the end of the line.

2006-07-04T05:52:00.000-07:00

i think it's time to close this blog for good.

i really think it was starting to get on my nerves trying to blog for everyone other than myself.

i need some private space to call my own, and total-insanity didn't meet the criteria for being a private space.

if you are still interested in my musings and thoughts and whatever not, i'm sorry.

but i will continue to record my life in some way or another somewhere else.

if destiny and fate decree it, you'll know where i can be found.

if not............

the end.

omg fucking irritating.

2006-05-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

sianded. seems like i have to either start saving up for a new ipod or else use my ipod video like an ipod shuffle since i can't see the screen and i have to memorise all the songs in the playlists. growl.
whatthefuck i am bloody annoyed with myself for destroying the screen by sitting down on the ipod RATHER hard on i have no idea what surface la. and i just got the reply from apple. and i can't get it replaced. . . so right now i have to rely on memory to salvage my ipod, or buy a new one, which will cost me like. 5 months of saving. means no more expensive meals. actually it's not that hard. i think. but. aiyah. i dunno la. i'm just like quite disappointed with myself right now? for wasting money like that. but i do have a consolation, at least i can still listen to music, and i do get to like listen to songs? the only problem is that i have no idea what song will be playing? ugh.

anyway. i'm still not in the mood to mug yet. how arh. CTs are like in 3 weeks time? and i don want to mug. hopefully something will awaken when NS checkup is over 2mr. and the whole world will get to see all the loose flesh on me. -shudder-

and it's fucking noisy outside, and it totally spoilt my sleep. irritating.
how to mug/sleep/enjoy a moment of peace when it's so annoyingly noisy!!!
damn these idiots to oblivion.

random song.

2006-05-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

www.1ting.c普通朋友 - 陶喆www.1ting.com

等待www.1ting.com
我随时随地在等待www.1ting.com
做你感情上的依赖www.1ting.com
我没有任何的疑问www.1ting.com
这是爱www.1ting.com
我猜www.1ting.com
你早就想要说明白www.1ting.com
我觉得自己好失败www.1ting.com
从天堂掉落到深渊www.1ting.com
多无奈www.1ting.com
我愿意改变(what can i do?)www.1ting.com
重新再来一遍(just give me change)www.1ting.com
我无法只是普通朋友www.1ting.com
感情已那么深www.1ting.com
叫我怎么能收手www.1ting.com
但你说www.1ting.com
i only want to be your friend www.1ting.com
做个朋友www.1ting.com
我在www.1ting.com
你心中只是just a friend www.1ting.com
不是情人www.1ting.com
我感激你对我这样的坦白www.1ting.com
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来www.1ting.com
so i www.1ting.com
我不能只是be your friend www.1ting.com
i just can't be your friend www.1ting.com
no,no,no,www.1ting.com
我不能只是做你的朋友www.1ting.com
不能只是做普通朋友

gp common test.

2006-05-24T04:26:00.000-07:00

die. gp common test this time was more of a too much to write, too little time affair.
it's pretty horrible because of the simple fact that because of time constraint, an otherwise near excellent essay is destroyed.
anyway. whatever la gp is over, and besides i didn't really put in much effort into mugging for GP (like how the hell do you mug for gp ANYWAY) except reading the da vinci code and reading the newspapers like i usually do.
went to watch da vinci code with jems jw suefaye felix, and i totally agree with felix that if you read the book and went to watch the movie the movie is a terrible affair to sit through. the only part i really liked was the last part because i wasn't sure if my intuition was correct.
and well, it seems as though my imagination is not too bad, the inverted pyramid with the small pyramid below was exactly as i imagined it to be, and the louvre's triangle pyramid was somehow what i imagined it to be. well imagination does work marvels.
was rather disappointed at the parts whereby the exact words or the sequence of events were not correct, i am a stickler for perfection. which explains why i've always found book-movies, or movies adapted from books a terrible letdown. like harry potter, narnia, LOTR, and da vinci code. honestly i find reading books so much better than watching a movie.
bleh. 2mr is econs S common test, someone please pray for me. =(

omg.

2006-05-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

wow. i've not updated for a long long time. partially cos there's nothing much to update because my life is a pretty sad one with nothing interesting in it. anyway, that's not the point, i have a feeling this week is going to be a pretty scary one.
firstly there's GP common test 2mr.
secondly there's Econs S common test on Thursday.
and lastly i have a presentation to do in front of the arts lecture group on friday. wo de tian arh!
the common tests are not the scary part, although i think GP common test is bloody scary because of the fact that they can set all kinds of compre and essay questions which make you go o_0.
econs S common test is probably gonna be a flunk because i haven't been diligently reading econs books.. and mr sowden is gonna kill me because i haven't read freakonomics yet. OOPS.
then the presentatioN! omg. i'm doing it alone! how is that possible! anyway. dang they so should have picked people from the arts group as well! so there are gonna be five presenters at the science group, and there's poor me in the arts group. but honestly, i would rather present the whole thing on my own because like, i get to control the powerpoints and everything. so i can do a more decent presentation.
but i'm just damn scared about the presentation on friday.. i mean, knowing the arts group.. it's quite intimidating to present to a group of ppl whom you don't know.. it's quite scary.
however, i'm pretty sure i can do it! i mean. after shamelessly approaching people to try new products, i think i should be able to handle it. =)

tired.

2006-05-12T03:35:00.000-07:00

just had a crash course through money just now. and i must say i understand it so much much better now. gahh i hate rj's notes, i think they're too content heavy and the font is super freaking small. of course if the font size was bigger i shudder to think how thick the notes will be. like agricultural biotech, it's 73 bloody pages, i think if they enlarge the size of the font to like 14 i will be lugging a book-thick stack of notes to lectures and home. but still. after looking at other schools' notes, i conclude that they are so much more user friendly and understandable *cough*keynesian theory*cough* . sickening right. but oh wells.
money, thank god, was one of the better and understable topics of the macroeconomy. keynesian was horrid. really really horrid. and national income accounting was slightly better because NYA is much easier to understand.
damnit i think i so should have taken literature.. despite the fact that i don't think i'm an excellent lit student, i think i would at least have had MORE fun taking lit than econs. a year plus ago i would have said the converse, the sad thing is that RJ's econs department simply cannot compare to AJ's econs department, IMHO, unless you consider the S paper teachers. the AJ econs dept is much like the S paper teachers in RJ; they actually instill in you the hunger to learn more about econs. they don't treat econs like a subject to be routinely taught, they treat it more as knowledge to be imparted.
having said that, i think that having teachers who actually care about you and the subject really helps in getting you the grades. i find that when teachers actually put in the effort to help students who really need it, the end product is that the student is actually motivated to work harder because it's like a debt of gratitude to be repaid, and the best way to repay the teacher for his/her hardwork is to produce good results. also, if the teacher is really interested in teaching the subject, he/she'll make sure that you understand the topic perfectly before moving on i.e. throught analogies and explanations and concepts and perhaps out of syllabus stuff.

anyway. the guys went to play lan yesterday, and i didn't play cos my eyes and brain were about to shut down permanently. so i went to watch to pick up some lanning tips. so it was lester jw jems and minghao vs 3 other people.
clare and chengleng came along after that, and chengleng wanted to play. so it became 3 v 3. and jw's lion was like. o_0
poor clare's cm was whacked left and right by MINGHAO...
anyway. it was quite an interesting game, and furion's ultimate is damn good to creep.
oh ya. had this AP test which totally drained me. so ya.
sianded. byebye.

dance night.

2006-05-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

omg mango really has no sense of dressing. gosh la. at dance night, which was held at VT, he was wearing some really horrible sweater with 3 quarts and halfshoes.
like what the heck?!
MANGOOOOO. i thought acsians would have slightly decent dress sense and would at least have the decency to wear shoes. as bare minimum. nevermind the 3/4s. but NOOOO. it just had to be sandal-shoes.
or whatever you call it; i really can't be bothered. anyway. even felix managed to predict what you were wearing la mangoooo. omg. omg omg omg omg.
anyway. went to support frens at dance night, cheryl, wanjun, evelyn, nisa, and jems. =)=)
well i thought it was really good cos it kicked off very well. full of energy and everything.
and the latin was HOT HOT HOT. jw got a nosebleed when the gals ran their hands down the guy's bod. =X
and wj looked pretty different. couldn't really recognise her until the latin and the finale. yup i am terrible at identifying people.
and cheryl had really blue smoky eyes, so it wasn't hard to spot her.
and JEMS! omg. hahahaha damn funny can. when the dancers were changing he and azizul were supposed to keep the audience's attention. and guess what he did. SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER! hohohoho...alright. i shall stop laughing. but i couldn't stop laughing at the sms he sent jw. haha no laughing allowed =X
anyway. nisa went off before i could give her the flower i got for her!
omg. so malu.
after that, went to starbucks for supper. where jw conveniently spent like 18 + bucks on sandwiches, cake, and coffee.
the green tea frappucino is not bad. =)
went home after that.
dance night was good. =)

austrade attachment.

2006-04-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

didn't go school for the last 4 days, was at the singapore expo.
and i'm happy to say that i was an intern at Austrade!
we helped run a trade fair..or rather, we were there to support them. and it was highly tiring.
but the food was good.
i mean, it was 3 expo halls worth of food from all over the world.
there was steak from USA, sausages from germany, coffee from USA, green tea from japan, chocolate from belgium....the list just goes on and on and on.
and the best part of it? all austrade exhibitors or any exhibitors get the food for FREE.
hahahaha unlike the other people who have to pay like. 80 plus bucks just to get in?
unfortunately, it wasn't open to the general public, only to the traders and people like that to prevent idiots (seagulls) from coming in so freely just to sample the food and waste time. *ahem*typical singaporeans*ahem*.
anyway, so we were helping out at the australian pavillion, cos there we were attached to austrade, the australian trade commission.
initially, four of us (me, victor, elizabeth, and marianne) were attached to the four different states, which are basically, NSW, Victoria (NO REF WHATSOEVER to VS or VJ), WA, and SA. but we kind of figured early on that if we stood at the booth and stoned, we would have wasted a whole day doing nothing. so after all the customary introductions and whatnot blahblahblah to all the exporters, we decided to go to what's new from australia!
where zhou yue and sid were stationed. and i swear that it is wayyy cooler than staying at the states, cos we saw first hand the 37 products that were there to attract any exporters to bring them out of australia and to the world.
basically our job for the last few days was to:
1) act as support staff for the states people, relaying their wants and needs to Austrade
2) try to draw as many interested people to the new products
3) help out in any way we can (i.e. basically keeping people happy, taking pamphlets and stuff for more experienced austrade members at the what's new stand, and for zy's case, setting up the laptop for the country briefing, and marianne had to follow her state rep, fiona, arnd.)

actually, i got a lot out of the attachment. i'm just typing it down on blogger so i won't forget what i've learnt cos i have a presentation to make. anyway, if you've read this, the content of the presentation (i.e. the reflections part) will probably be the same as the one below, so if you want to sleep during the presentation, sure no prob.

anyway, what i've learnt is not about the trade policies, cos we're working with the trade commission, an extension of the government BUT NOT the government legislatory board or the people who actually make the laws and rules governing international trade. at least, i've learnt that international trade is the driving force behind any economy, especially singapore's. our pavillion (singapore) was just about as large as the australian pavillion, and all the big names were there, like goh joo hin, singapore food industries, etc.
and i've picked up a lot of trivia, like the amount of money spent to bring in the companies to exhibit their products. =)
and that california is the world's 6th largest economy. like o_0
a mere state in the USA is the 6th largest economy in the world.
and also that the american style of doing business is totally different from the australian style. australians will want to get to know the person before doing business, but the americans will want to sign the contract and everything before getting to know the person.
and barriers to entry exist, and these usually come in the form of tariffs and whatevernot for foreign exports as these countries have to protect their local industries if not the economy will not do so well.
wells. and the ugly singaporean is so ugly, it's speechless.haha. anyway. that's all for now. let me sieve my mind for more stuff before i post it up.

life for the past few days

2006-04-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

sunday was a great day. went out with sl to mug and to play lan, since we both don't have dota at home we decided that the best way to improve is to play against either other people or against the artificial intelligence.
so we met up at like 2 plus, went to play lan, then mugged at BK millenia walk.
after which we ended up at Carl's Jr for dinner, where sl took forever to finish his famous star while i demolished a Portobello mushroom burger (it's heavenly. seriously) and my fries.
haha, i guess i just have a big mouth. oh wait. let me gush about carl's jr first.
there's salsa there for fries. and i swear salsa makes fries MUCH more appetising than normal chilli sauce. macs should start including salsa in their list of sauces and spreads.
the burgers there are huge. and the toppings are very generous, which means it's perfect for people like me who eat a lot and grow fat easily.
and the drinks are a free flow, so you can just buy a drink and just sit there for hours on end drinking. the ice lemon tea is also fabulous, you get to control the amount of sugar in it, so it doesn't end up like pokka ice lemon tea (too bland) or seasons ice lemon tea (TOO SWEET). and the amount of ice is also controlled because it's sort of like 7-11 style whereby you mix your drinks yourself! =)
after carl's jr we went to esplanade rooftop to catch up and just talk about random stuff. i really feel it's very hard to find someone who appreciates you nowadays. anyway. so we talked about random stuff. and a lot of reflections and stuff like that. after which we decided to leave because i think people started having the impression that i was gaying arnd with him in some quiet corner of the esplanade rooftop. =X of course i wasn't.
anyway, went to citylink mall's 7-11 to buy slurpee. so walked and talked all the way to raffles city (cityhall mrt) and then took train home.
and we came up with the analogy that life is like dota.
assuming that you take the side of the sentinel, your main goal is to destroy the frozen throne.
the creeps and opposing heroes are all the challenges you have to face in the world. the spirit towers are the major major events that will affect your life. the creeps are the troubles that will come your way and the heroes are the people whom are the bane of your life. the friendly heroes are the people whom will help you through this whole mess.
when you successfully destroy the frozen throne, your life ends. (death) you have conquered life itself and have passed through all the trials and tribulations of life.
but if the world tree is destroyed, you have let the trials and tribulations get you down. as a result you couldn't take it and decided to kamikaze.
i think i'm playing too much dota. but i like the analogy tho. =)

lousy.

2006-04-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

today can just be summarised into one word.
LOUSY.

dumped in homework again.

2006-04-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

the euphoria of the past three school-less days wore off immediately when i walked into school in a zombie-like trance. how helpful that napfa conveniently happens to be on a day i feel the most like a living dead monster. anyway, that's not the point, it's just that when you're feeling so happy from the weekend break, then all of a sudden the satisfaction just plummets to zero. or to quote in mathematical terms, the satisfaction graph immediately tends to zero. how nice if the feeling of bliss could at least last halfway through the week and slowly start evaporating; i wouldn't mind. cos then i would at least feel that school is something worth looking forward to.
i'm starting to sleep in lects, heaven save me. i've slept through 3 CONSECUTIVE carboxylic acids lectures, OMG. even melvin was startled to find out that oh-so-hardworking-frantically-copying-notes-ivan actually fell asleep during chem lecture. well i can't help it. it just so happened that the pe attire is very comfy to sleep in and dr chan's voice has a strangely soporific effect on me. basically, sleep powder just pours out of his mouth everytime he tries to stress any concept. i think it's so stupid to mian qiang copy down notes when you don't even know what you are writing! well most of the time it happens to be this way for me, so i'll end up frantically flipping notes and in the process ruining them =X thank goodness now it's YYK who's doing NMR spectroscopy, a topic i'm perfectly sure will be Greek to me as yet again. ( but any lecturer is better than CKS, so yeah i think i should be able to stay awake =) )
ugh. i shouldn't have had so much fun for the last 3 days. dang. anyway, here's what i did on friday and saturday, summarised into one paragraph. had gym night backstage duty on friday and saturday night, so that's like the whole day gone cos i'm never in any mood to do any homework unless i'm perfectly sure i can finish it. i hate to leave my work hanging in mid air. oh yes, mango jw and i, we did backstage. so we had to move mats and stuff. =) and we got a preview of the performances, so that's a goood thing. =)
so that's friday and saturday, sunday, went to celebrate sl's birthday with cy. went to play lan first before meeting cy, can you imagine, we were like. playing. 2 v 3 com players on insane, haha..oh well i can't help it that my dota skills are so cannot make it i think even a noob can pawn my head immediately. =X so yeah. used characters never used before, like, UH. what did i use again? anyway nevermind forget it. and learnt a bit about WEIRD heroes like the nerubian weaver, which really CANNOT DIE. grr.
when cy came, we went shopping. um. of the mindless sort where you just walk arnd and finger stuff you take a fancy to? yeah. then after that went for dinner at marche, and i swear it was hilarious listening to them recount their secondary school lives. thank goodness i decided not to pick catholic high school as my secondary school. ( NO INSULTS TO ALL CHS PEOPLE. ) it's so political and it's so backstabbing. it's quite scary to think about it actually. and the discipline there is SICK. it's like nazi germany integrated into the discipline system. phew. given my abnormally low threshold for stomaching such nonsense, i would probably have been labelled a problem case student hahaha. oh wells. then again, 3rd party information is not usually accurate. but oh wells. i shall just take it at face value and shock myself with the spastic things the DM does. =X=X
left at 10, i wouldn't have minded talking MORE if not for the fact that there was NAPFA the next day. stupid napfa spoils my day. grrr. =X
anw, for lack of intellectually stimulating posts, i shall end here.

nonsensical people.

2006-04-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

i really have to admit that i should never go and read forum pages online.
just read the campus superstar forums and i am APPALLED to say the least about the comments on the contestants.
it just smacks of tastelessness and pure green-eyed jealousy.
comments such as "fat" for clara and what "crybaby" for sheena and dunno what other nonsense people can contrive sound really spastic and stupid and it shows that the people who comment are lifeless brainless saps whose only joy is derived from running other people down.
it's pretty sad to see such comments because it just shows there are people who are so bloody delusional about themselves. for all we know the commenters could be fatter/uglier/spinster/steadless/whatever than the contestants and they are so envious that the contestants will become more popular than them cos they appear on tv etc.
and the shocking thing is that the comments are ultimately, very cutting. as in. they touch on extremely sensitive issues and it's like some heat-seeking missile with the intention to cause widespread devastation. there are people commenting on sexuality and looks and whatnot..it's pretty disgusting to read such comments. i bet if these commenters were the contestants, they wouldn't be able to suffer the onslaught of such vicious comments. and it seems that when these people join campus superstar, it's an indication that they want to be targetted and all hell hence breaks lose as people will create imaginary vendettas and launch vindictive remarks on them.
one of the more memorable comments was. " you're the most ugly male contestant out of all of them." by this person called girl:)
like what the fuck?
oh wells. how shameless we have become. =X

day of fun.

2006-04-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

went out with cy today to buy sl's present..
haha so we walked into the zinc shop..and were lost in a sea of music.
it was thumping so hard that it felt like a heartbeat, seriously. so we were looking at the bags..
umm the plasticky ones. ( it would be pretty weird to say plastic bag because the instant image one would get from that would be that the type that you go to the wet market and get..those red and blue ones..)
then we were giggling and pointing at the bags and trying to discuss over the music..and the shopkeeper was buzzing around us like a FLY. seriously. it was rather irritating.. and he kept on trying to push bags to us..so we rushed out and decided which colour to buy..and haha our motive was to shock hahahaha. =X
we are so mean. but anyway. so we paid for it and left.
went to food republic to eat. and the hokkien mee there sucks. i think it's honestly too wet and too salty.. and watching cy eat was rather amusing..the beansprouts went one side, the unpeeled prawns to me, and he was picking out the noodles..hahahaha.
but i'm not complaining. i get more food hurhurhur.
after that went to apple shop to buy earphone protectors..and i spent 5 bucks on that. zomg. i didn't know i was that extravagant haha. so now my ipod earphones are really really cute haha.
then we went to the lao di fang to mug. and here's the nonsensical quote of the day:

cy: "it's good friday this friday."
me: " thank god."

zomg. i didn't realise the impact of what i said until cy started laughing away.
oh well. haha oooopppssss. =X
anyway. laughed a lot today too.
after mugging until like 8 plus, we decided to call it a day.
went to cartel at plaza singapura for dinner (omg twice in a row already).
and i don't like cartel now. not that the food sucks, it's just that they revolutionised the whole concept of free and easy dining into a restaurant-esque dining style.
felt very claustrophobic trying to squash my humongous bulk into the one seater.
cy was worse..he had to cram a zinc bag and his own bag into the one seater.
rahhh. it was just plain weird to have waiters hanging around waiting for your order. i mean the whole point of cartel is to DIY what there's really no point for waiters to do anything. and like, they have to cut bread for us la. wth wth wth. i would much rather prefer cutting and taking water myself rather than have someone wait on me. wo bu xi guan. cos cartel is after all a place for casual dining and not formal dining.
after dinner ( we both had pasta and i was strongly tempted to do a jw and cheesestorm my pasta but decided not to cos it would be like eating mouthfuls of cheese) we went to spotlight to get daphy a present. and what the hell the stuff there is super freaking expensive. my budget initially was like 10 bucks, and i kind of figured that IT'S NOT ENOUGH! sighh.
oh wells. after that we went home.
and i'm now laughing like crazy at miss swan vids..why.. i have no idea actually =X=X
back to vids. bye.

CT results.

2006-04-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

sigh. CTs are a total slap in the face for me.
when i look back at all my scripts (except econs and bio) i feel like banging my head on the wall cos i'm pretty sure i could have got better than what i already have.
i don't care if it seems like i'm trying to show off or anything, but really, the amount of careless mistakes in maths could make me jump one grade, and the careless mistakes in chem could make me jump two grades.
and i wouldn't be stuck with a BCDD.
not that it isn't good, i was hoping for better especially for chem..cos i really did put in more effort compared to maths and econs..
and i kind of realised that it is rather futile to study for econs if bio is on the same day too. i'm pretty sure that i'm gonna redo my mistake again, but oh well, i shall try to remind myself to start studying wayyy before CT2 so that i won't like attempt to force the pile of notes and stuff into my brain the day before the paper.
oh wells. it's a major lesson learnt as well as a major slap in the face.

today.

2006-04-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

today's a great day!
got GP back, well i'm pretty happy with it, i mean, i got a middle ranged b3, so i'm pretty contented with that. but i should start working harder on GP to finally hit an A2 or an A1.
oh, and i shouldn't be saying this, but thank goodness

1) there was no assembly today;
2) ms yeo was absent, so there was no econs;
3) mrs kwan was also absent, so there was no maths.

ok it's so mean to say this, but the sad fact is that i slept late last night trying to rush my econs S essay so that i wouldn't get screwed by mr sowden, and so i could sleep extra cos econs is first block, and i could rest again cos maths is the last block.

anyway. pe today was rather good, i realised that i can jump 220++ for standing broad jump CONSISTENTLY =)=)

sigh. alright. enough for now. back to econs drq.

ten things.

2006-04-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

heh. koped this off daphy's blog. and since i'm bored and sianded waiting for jeremy mark pereira to mysteriously appear from some windwalk ( i hope )..well. i shall just do this =)

1. List 10 things you want to say to people but know you never will
2. Don't say who they are

-------------------------------------------------------------------

1. i have a crush on you. i bet you didn't know that and i bet you'll never have guessed.

2. you have such a frosty exterior, sometimes i'm scared to talk to you cos i get the feeling that you might just zap me with an icebolt if i tread on your toes accidentally.

3. i want to help you, but i have no idea how to. you seem so distressed and unfocussed.

4. what the heck do you think of me? i just want to know cos you always seem to blow hot and cold.

5. so what if you're rich? your attitude SUCKS, and i think you're a fucking materialistic person without any substance.

6. i admire your ability to juggle all your commitments and i'm pretty sure you'll do very well in the end. so hang in there.

7. sometimes, i feel like slapping you to wake you up. whatever commitments you have should be perfectly balanced with your studies, NOT the imbalance of your commitments tilting the scale towards commitment and you screwing up your studies.

8. politically correct answers are a perfect example of what you SHOULD NOT be. bland and tasteless and perfectly like a piece of unleavened bread.

9. true love DOES NOT EXIST. why the hell do you think that love makes everything go round?

10. i have no idea what's happening, but i'm starting to feel an icy barrier between us. is it really that hard to talk to me?

----------------------------------------------

well. i guess that's it. the point is to say and not tell people right. so yeah i've fulfilld the criteria alr.

whatever.

2006-03-31T06:59:00.000-08:00

some ppl can be so hypocrite.
telling me that msn is not good AND THEN creating an account to fight with me over the dominance of the computer.
like what the fuck?
you're telling tales about me and you're doing the SAME thing which i was doing.
HYPOCRITE.

anyway. went to play pool/snooker with lester mango and jems.
haha i think i cannot make it but oh wells.
haha. not in much of a mood to type anything due to excessive anger.
so yeah. ciao.

desperation.

2006-03-28T03:36:00.000-08:00

went to watch v for vendetta today..see i told you all it was so good. watched it with clare jems junwee and mango, whom we forced along by telling him that we'd stuff his water bottle somewhere in ERO lingerie in j8 and giving his name and ic number to the salesgirl to report to the police when he rummaged through all the bras and g-strings and whatever-you-have inside a lingerie shop to find a lime-green bottle.
anyway, clare and i, having known the story, decided to watch it again cos it was too difficult to catch the full story the first time, so we tagged along with jems and junwee. and i spent like 17.50 on this movie alone, the first time was like the last post. and i spent 9.50 on that day.

the next part will be blanked out for fear of spoilers AGAIN.

finally i understand the significance of the huge number of people flooding the square in front of the parliament house. it was rather weird for me when i realised that all the people whom were purportedly killed off already like dr diana stanton, valerie and her girlfren,and the girl who goes bollocks everytime the news is broadcasted on television. thanks to clare and mango tho, whom i really didn't know had so much common sense until today (=X). and as for the reason, i think it's vintage wachowski brothers to end the film like this. as in the end of matrix revolutions, suddenly there was this new day and the oracle was talking to a girl. actually, up till now i have absolutely no idea what the scene was trying to portray. perhaps i should watch matrix again. anyway. the point that they were trying to put across is that "ideas have no feelings, they cannot feel pain." and unlike people," ideas do not fail." so the masked people represented the ideals of truth, freedom and transparency which will never die and will keep on living on. it's as though although the corporeal body is dead, but the spiritual remnants of the soul will linger on and remain in the material world.
and i realised that gordon is gay. if not he wouldn't have said the words he used in the movie, when evey (looking like some slut from charlie's angels..remember drew barrymore and cameron diaz in that campy looking skirt which smacked of girls-who-don't-grow-up?) appeared at his doorstep. actually i was quite amused at gordon's derring-do cos in such a society, conformity sadly happens to be the in thing and the government doesn't think much of people who make fun of them. although it was really rather irreverent to show sutler getting shot. (cue the champagne glass sutler was holding shattering). and i have to agree that it makes for good tv ratings cos i sure as hell would have watched a tv channel which dares to make fun of the government. and judging from the peoples' reaction, i guess they did too.
anyway. i really appreciated the scene when V goes to kill dr diana stanton.
as in. when she realised that he was in her room, she knew it was inevitable. and on second thoughts, i guess she was relieved that she could be free from her torment of what she did at larkhill. and it's such a thoughtprovoking scene because:
1) it makes you think about whether it is right to exact individual judgement on another person's sins,
2) should we be judged on what we have hoped to accomplish or what we did accomplish?
3) " the ghost of christmas past" will always catch up despite how well you hide.
after watching the movie a second time, my favourite scene is when she asks if it's too late to apologise. and V's answer is that "it is never too late to apologise."

anyway. i should stop gushing about it.=X
got back chem results today, AND OMG. i passed.
see. even the divine powers are helping me haha. but the most annoying thing is that i've got the SAME marks i've got for like. the last CT and the last promo. URG. always that elusive one mark to a C.
oh wells. nevermind la. getting back econs on thursday, and i have a badddd feeling about it. =)

v for vendetta

2006-03-26T06:35:00.001-08:00

watched v for vendetta today.
i think it's a good movie.. one of the best i'v seen in ages.
throughout the whole movie i was thinking about the ways the filmmakers tried to put the message across, and it made me think about a whole lot of other stuff.
it's a rather GP-ish movie, and although the setting is a bit fantastic (think england under hitler/stalin/mao), the storyline is quite solid and the acting is not bad. =)
V's quotes were pretty good too, " the people should not be afraid of the government. the government should be afraid of the people." and " coincidence is an illusion."
and the V's explanation of why he was planning to blow up the parliament building hid a symbolic meaning that the parliament house represents the power of the government to the people. if the building is destroyed, so will the government's power symbolically.
personally i felt that the movie ended very well.
especially when the detective asked evey (natalie portman) who V really was.
and the scene where all the citizens wearing guy fawkes masks swamped towards parliament house, and the parliament house and big ben went up in fireworks.

i guess my perspectives were widened after the show, especially since the show is extremely pertinent to the real world.
how do we know if what's going on is the truth?
should we wholeheartedly believe in the government's words?
are they trying to ensnare us in a web of deceit and lies?
makes you think a lot about these issues.
also, i liked the way the scriptwriter managed to incorporate historical issues into the movie. or was it the comic book writer?
i thought it was pretty interesting how saddam hussein's anthrax attack on the kurds in iraq was worked into the storyline, and nazi atrocities during world war two was portrayed, plus the regime of terror under which mao and stalin ruled.

READ FOR SPOILERS:

personally i think that the introduction to the movie had a lot of impact.
the original guy fawkes intended to blow up the parliament house by wheeling dynamite through a tunnel to it.
and in the end, V's mode of action was via a train packed full of dynamite to crash into the parliament building and watch it explode.
it's symbolic in a sense that it carries off from where the original left off and the modus operandi was almost identical.

i find that the movie resonates within me simply because of the simple idea that we should not let the government wield so much control over us. by giving the government so much power, we are in fact letting them walk all over us, training us to become automatons incapable of feeling.
in a sense, we are wearing masks to prevent ourselves from letting our true selves show and risk getting arrested or persecuted. we feel what the government wants us to feel and we believe in what the government wants us to believe. the control of the media especially in the St Mary's virus incident in the movie is testament to the great power of the media in influencing the general opinion of the public. in actual fact, the virus was not spread by the so-called terrorists in the movie, but by the government itself to gain power and to show that they are the beacon of hope in a chaotic world. however the media exaggerated and blew the whole incident out of proportion to gain the emotional backlash of the people. and through this emotional backlash, they put the government into power.

and larkhill detention centre sounded exactly like auschwitz, where the nazis brought the jews to be experimented on. and their corpses were dumped into mass graves and buried. although the experimental data was important, the means was inhumane to say the least. it did not justify the ends. kind of makes you wonder how people manage to perform such cruel acts without even batting a single eyelid.

finally, i guess the most pivotal point in the movie was when V handed over the control of the lever on the train to evey. it carries so much importance because in a sense, he was handing over the control of their own fates back to the people. if evey did not pull the lever, she was resigning herself to the fate given by the government, which was to either comply or die. if evey pulled the lever, she would be liberating a whole country who was suffering under an oppressive regime, and who grew disenchanted with such harsh control over their personal lives.
also, i guess the intention of V was to blow up parliament house, but the main problem was that it was what he wanted, not what the majority wanted. by handing over the decision to evey, he was letting the people decide what they want, hence showing the importance of people power to sway political decisions as well as it's strength. this is probably a reference to karl marx's writings, where the oppressed proletariat would rise up and crush the leaders.

there is so much to this movie which is pertinent to the real world, i'm pretty glad i watched it with sl, who could understand the movie. anyway, people, you should go watch it. it's worth the money.

yii wen and clare's combined birthday celebration

2006-03-25T02:24:00.000-08:00

at least everything's REALLY over now.
haha yesterday was a combined birthday celebration for clare and yii wen. =)
anyway before that.. a grp of us decided to go kboxing first..
actually was jems jw suef felix me..and mel .. the supposed organiser, had to go for facial and she also had sthg on so she din come.. the irony.
kbox was fun.. and we have a banshee track on felix's phone LOL.
and suef has a MAJOR crush on jay chou hurhur..she kept picking all the male singers...
after which we met up with the lit people at the arcade to go bowling..
and lois vanished mysteriously between the arcade and the bowling alley.
bowling was an amusing affair.. with felix attempting to spin the ball and constantly longkang-ing until game 2, and jw's attempts to try to break the bowling alley's floor.
the rest of us bowled pretty ok, and andrea got a strike on her very first ball!
haha major styles included the put the ball at the lane and push, the anyhow throw, and the drop the ball hoping it will roll properly. =X
then jw jems and felix decided to go pool, so we all tagged along. after a first game where me and jems beat jw and felix, i left to go to the arcade cos my pool is short of awful.
and had a MAJOR MAJOR paradigm shift of samuel..
who was playing drummania at the arcade o_0.. first time i see the studious samuel go for such stuff o_0..
ok i'm just shocked and amazed haha after seeing samuel in school and samuel @ class outing.
so as usual went to play para para..after which i decided not to malu myself further and hence let other people take over the machine =X
went back to the pool area and played cards hahaha... and mango came!
typical mango to come late and start demanding to play lan hurhur.
so we ended up playing lan with lester's fren while waiting for clare and yii wen to come =X
and i shall not mention how badly i played..while lester's fren was so pro.
and mango was as usual, bu gan yuan, and said that lester's fren was not THAT pro. =X
oh wells. it's mango.
dinner at swensens was a messy affair as carl's junior was too crowded.then cartel and changing appetites was not halal so farah couldn't enter =X
and tina lee really exemplifies the phrase " growing up is necessary, but maturing is optional."
zomg first she knocked christie's water all over me, then she dropped the candle from clare's firehouse happy birthday into the remaining drink.
the waitress had a very quizzical expression about her when she wanted to refill christie's cup =X
cp came after that and then we went to lan after cutting the cake.
=)
had lots of fun, although i spent a lot of money.

went home with chengleng, i have to agree with what he said about studying so hard and screwing up.
i find it quite irritating sometimes when people start comparing answers like nobody's business after tests and exams and whatever that's important.
i know i'm guilty of this too, and i know it's quite a pain to other people when they hear that you've written this this this and that that that and they haven't.
i feel the same way too especially when people start arguing about whether A is the correct answer or B.
i mean. GIVE IT UP! the bloody paper's over! why whine about it when you din manage to think about it in the exam? at most it's just a wakeup call for you to revise your stuff more thoroughly so that you won't die AGAIN at the same type of question for the next round of tests.
the feeling is worse when you studied so damn hard and ended up forgetting everything that you studied in the exam hall.
sigh.

anyway. that's all i guess abt yii wen and clare's birthday.
here's wishing both of them:

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY YII WEN AND CLARE! =)

calm.

2006-03-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

cts are finally over.
umm. i kind of just woke up after a lonng nap from 9-12 =X
best eh. i don think i can sleep alr! =X
anyway. my analysis of my results of the common tests?
i think i should be able to do ok. but it would prolly be like. D D E E? or D D O O?
whatever la blame myself for starting work at the REALLY last minute lol.
but at least i can now rest easy with the thought that the next common tests are going to be after the june holidays -_-!
that's not a very exactly comforting thought.

shall update next time when there's something more substantial apart from moans and whines about CTs =)
ps. yams had a rather interesting tango with the pole on the mrt today =X

chemchemchem.

2006-03-22T06:14:00.000-08:00

taking a breather while attempting to memorise reactions.
i had no idea organic chem had so many reactions to memorise..actually not the reactions, the CONDITIONS.
went back to school today to get my halogen derivatives, arenes and hydroxy compounds notes from jems.
also to mug, but that's a much less important reason why i went back to school.
and went to ask mr lee abt some chem stuff.. and got a pep talk =)
met lester and xinling outside the council room where lester was trying to teach xl.
and IMHO. i think that lester is a pretty good tcher. =)
anyway, mugging was terrible.
i swear it was pure trauma trying to memorise reactions and try to internalise all of them.
and plus ionic equilibria.. i think i should just go and hang myself straight away cos ionic equilibria's my worst topic.
and hurhur i scribbled reactions all over the class whiteboard =X
actually i think arene reactions are the easiest to rmb.
and the worst to remember is alkenes.
anyway. back to mugging now.=(

totally like shit day.

2006-03-20T04:58:00.000-08:00

today is a totally shit day. started the day with a really horrible econs paper, and ended the day with a just as horrible bio paper.
what the heck la the case study was so o_0 and the bio essays were just as bad.
damn it la and to make matters even MORE irritating, people who DID NOT need to take bio and were HAPPILY making noise in the library instead of mugging in silence were omnipresent.
SERIOUSLY. damn it la it's so annoying when you're desperately trying to cram in another like 3 billion tonnes of information and people start yelling and shouting and WHATEVER about how shit the econs paper was, blahblahblah...
GRR.
damn it i'm pretty irritated now.=( and maths is 2mr, AND I HAVEN'T STUDIED FOR IT.
watch ivan fail maths 2mr! =)

ZOMGGGGG.

2006-03-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

haha people go watch MAD TV parodies to destress.
gosh i just laughed so hard at the lady marmalade parody AGAIN which cy sent me that now my stomach's in cramps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqFiZ0iL9QM&search=mad%20tv

that's the webby..you might want to check it out..it's super hilarious.
while you're exploring youtube..go watch the shakira mtv parody too.. gosh i'm STILL laughing at it even though i've seen it like 3 plusplusplus weeks ago?

thank goodness for crazy vids such as these to prevent me from going into hyperventilated fits and dying of excessive trauma.
=)
anyway. i realised my revision too is like SHIT!
after reading xy's post, i realised that i can go and die alr for common tests..
arghhh. i'm currently ploughing through the core syllabus for bio and i realised i still have econs and maths and chem!
and to make matters a little more complicated my chem stuff is partially with jems and wanjun.
ohnooo. but anyway. i'm gonna start on chem on monday after bio and econs CTs.
how. i don wanna do badly! and i'm pretty sure bio will be absolutel trauma..
at least for topics like evolution and ecology which i totally DO NOT get.
but luckily..i hope paying attention during lectures helped a lot..
=( damn it la i just feel like throwing my notes out of the window!
but i realised that if i do so, it's really gao lou pao wu..
and besides, i know that if my notes accidentally hit someone, the person will immediately die from concussion..
or rather, his head will just split open like a melon.
wow. what a pleasant thought ehh.
alright, BACK TO PHOTOSYNTHESIS AND RESPIRATION!
actually.. more of back to miss swan =)

warm and fuzzy feeling.

2006-03-16T06:33:00.000-08:00

i can't describe the feeling when you've just met your fren whom you've almost like lost contact with for the last year and half or so. it's like those warm and fuzzy feelings that you've not been forgotten..or that the person still values your frenship.
i've never been big on frenships, cos in this everchanging world which moves so quickly, it's best to have a few frens whom you are close to rather than be a social butterfly and know so many people, whose faces you'd probably forget as they are swept away, like your memories of them.
but it's nice to be remembered. =)
anyway, met up with kahsing, my training partner for like.2.5 years in secondary sch.
and we crapped like crazy like how we usually did in training and in school about anything and everything... can't help it, there's so much to talk about when you've not been in touch for a year plusplusplus.. like all that gossip about fellow school mates, subject teachers, school in general, how crazy the seniors are etcetcetc.
and i have to admit how nice it was to have someone to talk nonsense to and say random stuff and just laugh and laugh and laugh like in sji.
it's just times like these i miss sji alot.

----

oh and did i mention that running is therapeutic?
just like bitching, which is rather obvious why.
went to the gym with reuben vanda jessica and joan..
where somehow i managed to treadmill 4km.
which for me is a totally new record. haha cos i'm those type of people who can't and won't run to save my life kind.
and i was just pondering on what my aunt said.
generally, people in the top colleges are much less friendly that those in the not-so-good colleges.
i guess it's true to a certain extent. shall not elaborate more to prevent politically incorrect stuff to be published on the world wide web for people to exploit and attack and flame, cos apparently, you must be responsible for what you post online.

oh yes. before i actually sign off, i MUST bitch about this.
during the NTU econs seminar, my schoolmate went to ask a question.
then she somehow managed to mention something rather politically incorrect about other schools.
something that went," i'm not sure if other colleges teach static and dynamic competition, but i know rj does."
in response to her comment, the other schools gave remarks that bordered on envy,disgust etc.
eg. whooaaa.
AND. if that wasn't bad enough. to my horror and shock later, there was this CJ teacher who went to the mike and said,
"i am a teacher from catholic junior college. i would like to clarify that the other schools also teach static and dynamic competition, not just RJ."
and to my chagrin, the other schools just cheered.
ok. maybe i wasn't really that vexed over the cheering, cos it's to be expected.
but what really perplexes me is the way the teacher reacted so violently.
to me, i find that it is highly childish to launch a direct attack on a student not from your own college.
was it out of jealousy or because of a personal vendetta which made him do it?
whatever his reasons, i was utterly disgusted and repulsed by his behaviour.
i just could NOT believe that i was actually hearing such words from a TEACHER.
one of the supposed educators who can mould the future of a nation.
and i might like to put it rather vulgarly that it was a pretty gay action, and it just smacked of desperation to get recognition.
like. SO WHAT if CJ teaches static and dynamic competition?
SO WHAT? good for you la! do you need to publicise the fact that you do teach it?
and anyway, it wasn't even an antagonistic remark; it was more of an afterthought.
if you can't even recognise the function of afterthoughts, please go and shoot yourself.
or preferably, maim yourself until you're unrecognisable.
or perhaps you might just inject yourself with some time-reversal hormone such that you can return to preschool and say stuff like.
"you think only you have this meh? i also have leh!"
damn it. why do some people CHOOSE to behave this way in front of everyone?

nothing in particular.

2006-03-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

after looking at the amount of bio stuff left untouched..
despite completing regulation and control..
i can conclude:
i am just gonna be bloody screwed for common tests.

sigh.

silent thoughts.

2006-03-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

what have i been doing the last goodness-knows-how-many days?
well.. let's see.
thursday.
went to watch play (band concert) with 3s..actually with xy yams jems jw chengleng christie xl yii wen mingjuan mango.
and we must prolly have embarassed lester and samuel by creating a lot of havoc..
jems' " lester chachacha samuel ooh lala"
jw's " samuel we love you!"
and our rather "soft" rendition of the birthday song for samuel during the intermission.
but it was quite fun to do crazy stuff.
and mango was well. sleeping during the perf rather blatantly..

friday.
watched date movie after pe..with jems mango jw and felix.
gosh. that movie is so NONSENSE please.
it totally spoofed every movie from bridget jones' diary (julia jones) to meet the fockers (fockerdoders) to kill bill (broken samurai swords).
and i just couldn't stop laughing as usual. i think my laughter threshold is super low. all it needs is just that tiny bit of catalyst and i won't be able to stop laughing.
oops. i kind of think i was the only one laughing silently to myself throughout the whole show in the cinema. lol.
oh yes. and the way they spoofed the 40 year old virgin..LOL.
actually, date movie is a very end-of-term-let's-have-some-fun movie.
cos it doesn't require a brain to enjoy it. all one needs to do is just sit through it and laugh. that's it.
and i felt so much less stressed after that. must be the nonsensical lord of the rings parody..
where "frodo" attempts to pawn the one ring at the jewellers..and "gandalf" attempts to stop frodo from doing so.. and gets kicked hard in the balls..and ends up gasping some high-pitched, gollum-style " my precioussss.." before collapsing on the floor.
all in all.. i don't regret paying 9.50 even though the movie was so lame and spastic. =)

saturday
nothing much. slept the whole day through..which explains why it's 2.33 am and i'm still online.
hur. well i tried to do carbonyl compounds..and just gave up halfway.
oh did i mention i decided that bio lectures were pretty useless?
anyway. maths lecture now is pretty boring and stupid and we have an excellent lecturer. *rolls eyes*

and Mr X at home asked me what i thought of the suicides of the two teenagers.
and as usual, i just shrugged my shoulders and told him i had no comment.
and with this statement. the generation gap just expanded by a large amount.

oh wells. that's life. =)

tragedy of epic proportions

2006-03-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

oh the tragedy.
gp common test was a total disaster at least to me.
at least i think it will be a humongous tragedy.
during essays it was alright, i was still attempting to scribble stuff (ideas and such)
but during compre... i admit. i zonked out for 5 minutes.
and after that i kind of realised i was still at qn 3. then had no choice but to quickly flip and look for answers.
and the passages were so OMG to begin with.
and the questions were EVEN MORE omg.
sigh. could barely answer them much less comprehend what they were talking about, so i just anyhow zham-ed.
if i do well, i'm prolly just lucky or sthg.
and AQ. disaster.
i was just about to get to my most important point when she said pens down!
ugh. wells. it's over. now to focus on econs! i realised i can heck all the rest of my subjects EXCEPT ECONS.
i have absolutely NO DESIRE to go for econs R.
wait. nor do i want to go for chem R, bio R OR maths R.
which means i have to work hard, and at this point in time..i'm finding it quite hard to do so.
perhaps i need the whole holidays to regenerate. then i'll be back at tiptop condition =)

on a side note. i'm kind of feeling very detached recently.
like. i don't feel like talking, yet i can't stand the awkward silence.
i don't know what's happening to me too.
usually i don't mind fading into the background, but nowadays i'm starting to mind the background areas.
i don't think i've become more extroverted.
perhaps i'm not fully in control of the N demon yet.
perhaps i'm just stressed.
oh well. whatever the reason, there's no excuse for behaving like a spoilt brat.
so i shall return to integration 2 and not think so much. =(

gp common test.

2006-03-07T03:24:00.000-08:00

i'm kind of worried abt gp.
i'm worried cos i'm not worried about the paper.
is there something wrong with me? =X

some thoughts.

2006-03-05T07:30:00.000-08:00

a year ago, i would have still been happily playing around and having fun with my classmates.
a year ago, the o level results would probably have just been released.
a year ago, JAE posting results would not have been out yet.
a year ago, i was totally unprepared to face the decision i made.

a year later, i've become a stronger person.
a year later, i'm starting to settle down to study for A levels.
a year later, i don't look back any more with regret.
a year later....

as tomorrow dawns, there will be people who will be entering the school for the first time this year as they are posted here.
others will not be able to return back despite the appeal.
hearts will be broken, while tears will be shed.
people will wait in anxiety as they await their fate, while others will pray that the people whom have left will return.

as for me, i'm just so glad that i don't have to go through this anymore.
once is enough to last me a million lifetimes. =)

career fair.

2006-03-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

went out with cy today to career fair den to mug.
and i must say that career fair is a really messy place. where i had no idea where to walk la LOL.
anyway. met up at city hall.
where incidentally, we, or rather i, ran into clare and andrea who ALSO had like-minded interests.
well. what can i say.
great minds think alike.
anyway. yeah. so after career fair, where i koped like a lot of booklets plus a paper bag.
went for lunch-tea at swensens.
which was a rather interesting affair cos i think we pissed quite a lot of lovers sitting arnd us.
well. who cares about them anyway.
and as usual we were laughing about the crazy parodies which mad tv has..and imitating shakira's parody..
and it's quite funny and i think we made a little too much noise.
considering that it was just the two of us.
and the waiter sat us like a couple.
facing each other.
-_-"
people must have thought we had sthg going on. but then again, they always think that way so it doesn't really matter much anymore.
haha. after which we went to e lao di fang to study. and guess who we saw there again.
clare and andrea. =)
coincidence? nahh. =)
anyway. finished integration 1, econs tys and did a little molecular genetics.
which is annoyingly irritating, considering that half of that pile of notes is NOT in syllabus.
yeah after which had dinner and macs and came home.
how productive ehh.
=)
i'm so proud of myself.
but i din finish carbonyl =((
anyway. enough of this endless rambling. tatas.

A level results.

2006-03-02T02:37:00.000-08:00

RJ did very well this year. (like what's new)
haha anyway. one thing i must say about econs S paper results.
they are really good and it's really godlike please.
according to mr sowden, it's:
38 distinctions
36 merits
3 ungraded.
like. can you imagine. 50 % distinctions. abt 50 % merits.
anyway. the seniors are very talented. =)

today was just bad. with the only redeeming feature as econs S.
felt really bitchy and irritated and grr today.
i think it's just the lack of sleep or it's just a lack of sthg. cos i don't believe that i'm naturally bitchy.
although jerry will beg to disagree.
i have a feeling that the cause of all this irritation is what's happening at home.
honestly, sometimes i wish i could just slap everyone at home to their senses, honestly.

digressing a bit.
was at B44 this morning having some quiet time to myself.
then somehow my thoughts just cast back to secondary 2.
when i rmbered davis telling me that i wasn't this temperamental in sec 1.
then i kinda started to piece things together. and like.
i don't know. i just don't think that after one year of puberty you'd just start being sarcastic and bitchy and angry and angsty and whatever you want to call it.
it should have begun in sec 1. but it begun in sec 2.
and sec 2 was the year..well. shall not reveal too much.
something dramatic happened in sec 2 ( no i did not turn gay or have sexual experience or whatever rubbish people can conjure up )
which just impacted all our lives and well. sorta changed me.
i can't say that it was a good thing, cos it created a negative atmosphere.

anyway. back to the bitchy part about today.
on my way home today after S paper at like. 5 plus.
the train was kinda empty and stuff.
then there was this old man standing up cos all the seats were occupied.
and there was this young man standing opposite me.
( i was standing at the door)
then at novena, this lady alighted, leaving one seat.
the old man started to shuffle towards the seat.
then guess what the young man did.
he literally RACED to sit down.
i was really fuming when i saw it seriously.
then the poor old man ended up standing all the way to somerset where he alighted.
and the young man was in my line of sight, and whenever his gaze somehow landed on me, i just rolled my eyes at him.
i totally cannot believe how blind and thick and inconsiderate some people are, honestly.
a young man snatching a seat from an old man.
good thing i din walk up to him and give him a piece of my mind.
SO RUDE la. and he was rather welldressed too.
perfectly packaged rubbish is still worthless anyway.
and to think that he looked well-educated too.
i mean, he can counterargue by saying that he's very tired, but that's a totally lame and stupid excuse to ATTEMPT to justify what he did.
just cos ur tired means ur entitled to a seat?
what kind of attitude are you trying to show? that you're some cotton fluff which collapses easily?
compared to a frail old man you look pretty hale and hearty.
your legs don't look like they will break or shatter into a million gazillion shards.
you don't look like a zombie. your limbs are still intact and the muscles on the them are pretty hard and solid.
you're not shuffling, you can walk properly.
SO WHAT'S YOUR JUSTIFICATION FOR DOING SUCH A LOWDOWN ACT?
disgusting piece of worthless packaged junk.
i hope you get retribution for what you have done.
and i hope it happens ALL THE TIME TO YOU NEXT TIME.
selfish bastard.
or more politely, brainless idiot.
urgggh.
don't believe it and never will.
back to organic chemistry before i say even more terrible stuff.

final destination 3

2006-03-01T01:39:00.000-08:00

just reached home from watching final destination 3.
there's only one word i'll use to describe the movie: gory.
the deaths were so gross it was pure torture to watch.
and poor christie sitting next to me was really traumatised.
um. so yeah me mango melvin and christie went to watch it..actually we dragged christie along.
oops.
well.. actually final destination is not that scary. but it's so disgusting.
can you imagine. like. death by nail gun?
death by accidental burning to death in a tanning salon?
death by squishing ur head using a weights machine?
death by getting flattened by a falling crane-like structure?
omg. it's so sick just thinking of this.
ughh. i really regret watching it. but oh well. at least i know why cy was so scared of fd1.
it's like a whole chain reaction which is set off when death doesn't get his lives.
and hence returns with a vengeance. i'd rather have died on the rollercoaster than to have perished in all kinds of more gory ways.
and the whole message conveyed from the movie is just simply, you can't cheat death.
oh well. they had to make such a intestinal and blood drenched movie just to convey the message across.
gosh.
haha. and now i'm kinda scared too. =)
how am i ever gonna get any sleep tonight! ughhhhh.

tired.

2006-02-28T01:37:00.000-08:00

today's those i-won't-talk-to-you-if-you-don't-talk-to-me type of days.
i think i'm just too tired.
rushing tutorials which pile up over and over again is no joke. especially for chemistry.
yesterday night i tried to finish about up to qn 4 of halogen derivatives, and today mr lee goes through 2 last questions from arenes tutorial and up to half of qn 4.
which means i've got to rush the final two questions and all of hydroxy compounds to make up.
and mrs kwan is rushing maths tutorial too, so i have to finish integration 1. and i think she's gonna finish the last part of integration 2, and that would mean another tutorial to complete.
plus moleqlar genetics tutorial for bio as well.
sigh.
and econs just seems never ending. mcqs, drqs,essays, and even readings from econs s.
thank goodness i didn't join some demanding cca if not i won't be able to cope.
and anyway. bio lecture today was terrible.
i slept through it, which is rather not amusing becos i don't really sleep through lectures unless...

1) the bio lecturer is so boring that despite popping sweets into my mouth every other few minutes, i still inevitably end up sleeping.

2) i have no idea what's going on, and the topic seems so crazy it just doesn't penetrate my brain space.

well. i guess today it was both factors which caused me to zonk off.
and seriously, since the lecturer said that biotechnology requires a lot of reading, i think i might as well like just go to the library during bio lect periods and read some textbook or book and make notes. it's more productive than lazing around the LT when nothing enters your head, honestly.
i can't wait for friday to come.
actually. i can. i don't wish to be confronted with another tutorial...
hopefully the carbonyl lecturer won't complete lecture this week.
if not..i can just go and hang myself.
and yay. 2mr is wednesday, which means i can go home early to catch some much needed sleep. =)
as for now.. back to tutorials.

BITCH.

2006-02-25T23:11:00.000-08:00

is it my fault that i tend to read too much into peoples' words, behaviours and actions?
or is it my fault i'm oversensitive and i keep reacting to otherwise innocent, no-intention-to-provoke behaviour?
damnit.

clouds of steam.

2006-02-24T02:26:00.000-08:00

clouds of steam will build up in closed pressure cooker.
as they continue to build up, the pressure in the cooker will increase.
if the cooker is nailed shut, eventually the pressure gathered within the cooker will force it to explode.
(i'm clearly not a physics student, so yeah. if i've mentioned anything wrong..i don't care anyway.)
point is, how far can people stretch your tolerance level until you snap? or in this case explode.
for personal reasons, i'm going to name this person X.
X is one of the important people in my life.
SUPPOSEDLY, that is.
he's been going through a financial crisis for the last 5 years after he lost his job.
Y, who's a very important person in my life too, has had enough of dealing with X.
(so do i, for that matter. it's kind of hard trying to communicate with people who donno how to use the internet and dun give a damn about current trends and music and tastes.)
X is a selfish person who only thinks about himself and how he can make big money in the largest time possible.
to do so, he scrimps and saves and pisses everybody in the process.
he's also a superstitious and so-called highly religious person.
prays everyday, chants everyday ETC.
the problem is, he went to consult a geomancer who said that it would not be auspicious to have a fish tank in his living areas. well. at least he( the geomancer) said it would not augur well for X this year.
now the crux of the matter. the fish tank and the fishes in it (DUH.) do not belong to X.
it happens to belong to Z. and X as usual imposed his iron will upon Z and DEMANDED that X be allowed to remove Z's tank and set the fishes free.
X's justification? setting fishes free will be beneficial for both HIMSELF and the fishes, as they are now returned to their natural habitat and they can swim free and blahblahblah about how animals/reptiles/fishes/birds should not be kept in the first place and how they are much happier (hur?) when they are free.
my point of view? how can you tell if the fishes are happy? and by doing so, you gratify yourself at the expense of Z's feelings. aren't you just so sensitive to Z?
i've always believed that you treat people the way you want them to treat you.
by trampling slipshod all over Z's feelings, you have made your intentions clear that you don't give a damn about Z and his emotional bond to his pets.
and by constantly reminding me,Y and Z that we should always think before we do something, you have proven yourself to be an oxymoron not worth my attention.
true, X may argue that by doing so, he has averted major disaster.
SO WHAT? did the fishes have anything to do with your SO-CALLED disaster?
in the first place, who asked you to not give a damn about the importance of this substance known as MONEY?
who asked you not to go for courses to upgrade yourself?
who said that retraining was propaganda by the government and that it would be a waste of money?
who told you that it was time to hang up your boots?
why the hell did you wait for such a long time before actually contributing to household income?
i have thus come to realise that chain reactions do occur, when one thing leads to another.
the root of the problem does not lie with the fish tank, it's the sad fact that X couldn't be bothered to rely on his own talents(of which he has none), abilities(none i can see) or strengths (commanding people like some dowager wannabe) to find employment.
things have degraded to such a point that X no longer feels that he can actually reenter the workforce and has to rely on divine intervention to save his sorry ass.
well. i think it is pretty unfair that we have to do everything while you sit on your sorry ass and brood about your failed ventures and whatever nonsense that's cluttering up your brain.
that is, if you even have one.
it's been especially hard on Y who has to worry about Z and her office stuff, and run the whole household.
while you, X, slack around watching tv and sleeping. basically, aren't you hoping that the sky will suddenly open and a divine voice will say..X..you have been granted __________. amounts of divine gold which will last you your whole lifetime?
and the fish. so you think you are doing a good deed by setting them free?
in truth, you probably have harmed them more.
tame pets normally have difficulty adjusting to the wild again as they have lost much of their natural instincts to avoid predators and possibly even to find food as they have become so used to getting their food from humans, they lost their need to do such activities and hence eventually forgot them.

this issue aside, X has never been there for Z or me when we needed him to.
well. i don't care anymore since i treat him as non-existent now.
but Z. Z needs what i didn't have growing up.
and YOU? you are so wrapped up with your fucking gay buddies that you REFUSE to make time for Z.
aren't you shirking your responsibilities?
you've already lost whatever respect i had for you already, are you hoping to do the same for Z?
what's more is that Z is at the age where he needs guidance frm a male figure.
and it just so happens that i'm taking over that role.
SELFISH ASSHOLE. i'm supposed to pick up the pieces for YOU?
i'm not even QUALIFIED to guide Z.
then again. i probably am MORE qualified than YOU to do so.

anyway. if you don't really understand this post, it's alright.
i was just really really angry and sad when i saw the upended fish tank lying in the sun.
i don't really know what happened. but i just started tearing.
just couldn't imagine how my bro would be able to take it.

right now..all i want to say is.
if you don't care about us, don't give a damn now, don't want to care about our welfare, AND EXPECT ME TO SUPPORT YOU, you can go and fuck off and die.
don't expect me to support you when you never supported me.
------------------------------------------------------------
sombre moods just seem to last and last and last. it's been like a few hours since i typed all that out and i'm still feeling rather down.
which of course i can't believe because it's friday already and 2mr is the weekend.
i can't pinpoint what's happening to me.
friday is supposedly my happiest day...cos the weekends are just around the corner.
---------------------------------------------------------
i have this vague feeling that i'm trying to resist change but failing inevitably.
i think i'm still living in the J1 world, and that i haven't progressed to the J2 world yet.
which is a possible explanation for my lack of motivation to actually sit down and study.
personally, i find it's pretty scary when all the barriers protecting you from the cold hard facts of reality just all collapse at one go.
i realise that my perceptions of the world are flawed.
i've been looking through rose-tinted glasses.
i've ignored what i don't like and i chose to see what i like.
bio lect and GP opened my eyes to what the real world is like.
and i'm still reeling from the blow. for someone who believes that every person is innately good, the shocking revelation that there are people who have complexity issues and genuinely believe that something else is causing their complexes and ACT on their beliefs and hurt other people because they want to satisfy their thirst for vengeance is really a hard slap in the face.
time for me to wake up, and realise that dreamland never existed in the first place.

rahhrahhhrahhh.

2006-02-23T03:51:00.000-08:00

i don really want to elaborate on a lousy day.
firstly, there was SPA.
YUCK. and i cut myself. luckily the cut wasn't deep.
and i think half the whole world already knows the SPA.
it's potato........(AGAIN)
after 3 pracs on POTATO..you'd think they'd give something else like beetroot etc.
NO LORH. potato again.

anyway. GP was really really draining.
and at the end of it mrs chong just talked to us about some issues pertaining to our class.
which totally threw my mood off..but anyway that's not the point.

sigh. i dunno la. but lately i've been feeling really really tired and drained and heck-carish.
even my tutorials are being done in front of the com.
and my productivity is like. 3 qns per hour. like wth.
maybe i'm just not feeling the stress yet.
well. i dunno.

actually, i'm starting to feel bad about sleeping in ms yeo's lessons.
i mean, she's putting in a lot of effort into ensuring that the class stays responsive and the usual stuff which teachers want students to do, but no one bothers about her.
it's starting to prick my conscience..and this feeling kind of sucks.
talked to xueying the other day.. and i realised that people probably don like econs because they already have a prejudice against it, or perhaps their zest for the subject was killed off by lousy lecturers. i do not have a death wish, hence i shall keep the names of the lecturers anonymous.
teachers really have a hard time, honestly.
if they're boring, students will gossip about how lousy they are.
if they cannot teach, the above will happen.
if they cannot teach and are boring, no prizes for guessing what students gossip about.
i admit, i do gossip about my teachers too. =X
well. at least i can say that i tried my best to stay awake. and that's all that matters to me now.

xueying's birthday celebration

2006-02-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

i must say, today's been a really wonderful day..one of the best of this week..and that's cos i had a lousy week. shall not comment too much.
anyway, in the morning, went with sheng long to mug..well i think i understand keynesian theory slightly now..and finish bio.which as usual never did happen cos keynesian theory is a very heavy topic especially when you don't understand what the hell the lecturer is talking about (usually it's gibberish.)
after which we went to shop shop at bugis junction, bugis street, and far east plaza.
i have to admit that these areas are really shopping paradise. and i din manage to find rose earrings for rachie. oh wells. maybe i'm just not observant enough.
after that, rushed to dhoby ghaut.. thought i was late. then wanlin was like frantically telling me to come to glass house..so i thought i was omfg late la.
cos i'm always late for stuff. so yup.
then i realised i was rather early compared to the rest.
umm. people who went were.
suef.mel.mel.(um.melissa and melvin).lester.chengaleng.christie.wanlin.sikhs.tina.me.mango.xl.samuel.mj.
yup.
so the birthday girl was latee.
at least wanlin contrived some plan such that she would get a surprise. ;)
well.
haha. i guess it was kinda obvious to see how it would turn out.
after dinner we just kinda stoned arnd the LOVE sign outside glasshouse taking pictures.
couldn't decide what to do, so yeah, went home.
(wanted swensens tho, BUT SOME PEOPLE were just lazy to walk to ps.)

movie under the stars.

2006-02-17T22:03:00.000-08:00

friday began really badly.
firstly, there was econs lecture.
secondly, the lecturer just had to be tech-illiterate.
thirdly, the stack of keynesian economics notes just had to be so un-userfriendly.
*^(%$#(@&$)$*_@)^#)(@$^_@!!!!!

so basically, we wasted 20 minutes as usual, while he ATTEMPTED to set up the projector.
like ZOMG. no other lecturer has taken such a bloody long time to set up the projector please.
then to add insult to us, he conveniently rambled on and on about inflationary gaps before ending with the accelerator.
and he was totally jumping all over the place! WHAT THE HELL LA!
i mean, i'll rather not have notes and just take notes when he starts lecturing rather than flip my notes like a stupid cb who has no idea what the fuck is going on during the lecture.
(well that's what i do when mr sowden and mr reeves lecture during econs S).
and worse, he decided to take 5 mins of our 10 min break between lessons to finish teaching the notes.
like wth. like it's our fault liddat la.that he's such a sad case that everytime for econs lect he has to go and find the technician and we have to wait for an eternity before he actually can like start the lecture.

anyway. the rest of the day passed rather serenely with no hillocks.
and i'm starting to love pe.
and mr seah rocks. ;)

movie under the stars was great.
went with mango, jems and xy.
although 50 first dates was rather a dumb show.
but it was funny...well sort of la.
it's kinda sweet though.. if you consider how everyone has to act as though they were suspended in time just to prevent lucy frm freaking out.
haha..and i can assure you that i can never be so tolerant as to constantly think of three million different ways to date a girl for the first time although it's been like dunno how many "first dates."
anyway. i'm tired. ciao.

vdae.

2006-02-14T06:17:00.000-08:00

today is the day where all couples couple together.
ok that sounded really wrong. anyway.
felt really cheapo today cos i din give any valentine's day present to anyone except daphy and cheryl.
and got so much stuff in return.
let me see.

muahchee and card frm yanling;
choc chip cookie and brownie frm daphy;
brownie frm tina;
cadbury timeout frm andrea and farah;
chocolate heart frm xy;
MnM's cookie frm mel;
sweet frm suef;
2 raisin and cereal cookies frm yiiwen;
sweet frm samuel;
sweetpack frm christie;
plus balloon + card + sweet frm cheryl.

what a valentine's day.=X
anyway. thank you all for giving me stuff although i din do anything. =X
how embarrassing..

anyway. the killjoy event of the day had to be chem SPA.
who wants to have SPA on VALENTINE'S DAY!
omg.
after that played bridge in the canteen with jems xy suef and/or mango.
seems like the chi at mine and xy's side of the table was rather good.
cos we kept on getting all the good cards, while jems and mango were like.
omg what kind of shit hand is this!
haha. kinda amusing. after which we left at arnd 3 plus to go j8.
where xy left to meet her fren and clare went to the mrt.
so me mango and jems went to buy xy's present.
i swear it was a traumatising experience again.
LOL. oh. and we saw christie too..( and mercilessly teased her abt chengleng,what's new..)
in the end, we got a ___________________ for xy.
haha it was pretty decent from what we initially wanted to get. =X
and jems was desperately trying to get rid of his rose hahaa..
then i left to find shenglong. went to bugis street to aid him in his shopping.
after which went to dinner with mummy.
=)=)
wanted to treat her to fondue at haagen dazs.
BUT.
the haagen dazs all over singapore seemed to be occupied with couples who were eating the same thing.
i conclude. GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE.=X
yeah. so we came home. and i'm really tired..(which accounts for lack of substantial stuff in this post)..so cya.

O lvl result release.

2006-02-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

you know, i can't help but wonder what the J1s this year are thinking about as they go and collect their O lvl results.
umm. well. technically, it does not apply to at least 70% of the RJ population because that amount of people are those who happen to be in raffles integrated program.
and clare said something which makes a perfect lot of sense although pun not intended. i think.

"Schools with integrated programs hope to differentiate themselves from other schools."

seems like maths may have fried her brain.=X

getting o lvl results reminds me of last year so vividly.
the days leading up to the release of the results was filled with trepidation and perhaps a sense of not wanting to give up the first 3 months so easily to time.
secretly, we were probably all wondering whether we could stay in AJ, or for some of us, move on to other JCs. cos i know myself that i made a promise to go to a better JC if my O lvl results were pretty decent and i could aim for at least VJC. RJC that time was too ridiculous as my prelim results were quite badd.
(and the worst thing i remember, post O lvl results, was that i sort of promised cy that i would end up in vj. and JAE conveniently packed me off to rj. not that i have anything against rj la.=X)
then on that day itselff. went back to sji to collect the results. and i can swear that my heart was pounding like crazy as adrenaline kept coursing through my veins during the period where we were waiting to get the slip.
you know how waiting creates a terrible desire to know something?
outwardly i was saying, NO LA, i dowan to know my results, but inwardly, i was thinking. DAMN. HURRY UP CAN. THE FASTER I KNOW MY RESULTS THE BETTER. SO I CAN STOP BEING IN LIMBO AND finally cry/smile/go crazy.
when we were asked to go into the hall.. my heart was pounding so hard i felt it would burst a huge hole through my ribs and plonk onto the floor.
it didn't help that the hall was freezing as usual and my hands felt cold and clammy.
rather, it intensified that feeling as i walked through the wooden double doors of the Founder's Hall.
perhaps nostalgia did overwhelm me for a while as i realised that after this, my life in SJI would officially be over and done with.
but as usual, stress and anxiety triumphed over nostalgia.
then there was the customary announcing of top scorers and stuff etc.
after which the form tutors were supposed to give out the result slips.
and all i do know is the wave of relief which totally swept through me when i saw that i had nothing below b3.
so right now i'm wondering how they will take it when they realise that they can't stay in the JC of their first three months and hence are forced to leave for another college.
or those who scored better, i wonder if they actually are considering leaving their first JC to move on to so-called greener pastures, or if they should stay on despite their stellar results.
then again, i hope they will be able to make the best decision for themselves.
on the other hand, i feel for the people who will have to face the pain of separation especially those who will change classes twice within a short span of 4-5 months.
i guess that's just the unpredictable nature of life. people who scored 6 points during prelims can just fumble and score 12 points instead, and vice versa.
people who expected to stay on may be unceremoniously booted out.
people who never expected miracles to happen get shocked.
perhaps it's an indication that things which are never meant to be are never meant to be, no matter how hard you try to force it to happen.
just like although you hope that the people you have gotten acquainted with and are extremely close to will be able to stay together with you for the next 2 years, it might not happen if fate does not decree it.
although people say that you are your own master of fate, i beg to disagree because some things in life are just beyond your control.

anyway. i'm just feeling kind of sombre when i saw the school rather lifeless today. although i was quite happy that there was finally peace and there was actually NO QUEUE in the canteen at all..=X

oh yes.

happy birthday wanlin!=)

siandedz.

2006-02-08T07:27:00.000-08:00

sigh. swamped with tutorials which are uncompleted and stuff like that.
how absolutely traumatizing.
there's like.ARENES.and the stupid interpolation tutorial which i totally don feel like doing.
ugh.
now i'm hoping that mr lee doesn't finish halogen derivatives 2mr.
if he does...
ivan's gonna be DEADDD.

anyway. i'm think i'm starting to revert back to normal from being asexual.
:)

nothingness.

2006-02-07T01:58:00.000-08:00

roar. this is going to be some random post again.
they started a new topic on bio today!
like wow. nervous coordination sthg sthg sthg.
then guess who the lecturer was.

MR OKALRIGHT.

OMG.
he casually mentioned ok-alright like. 178 times.
i counted.
lect was so fast and so boring and i din have enough time to write any notesssss!
idiot.
and the RATHER memorable moments were.

myelin SHIELD.(sheath)
alzEMIA's (Alzheimer's)
Plankton in the brain (Phantoms In The Brain) >.<
and. nodes of goodness-knows-whatever. supposed to be ranvier but came up something else immediately.

speaking of memorable moments.
during chem lect on halogen derivatives....
there was a BACKSIDE attack.
like. OMG. what does BACKSIDE attack sound like???
*cough*
so half the LT laughed like siao. and the lecturer, who incidentally happens to be my chem tutor..was like."what's so funny?"
oops.
and the best thing was: " please remember to write backside attack."
roflmao.

gosh. had no idea school was going to be this funny. =X

(damn. what a bimbotic entry.)

thinking individual.

2006-02-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

i can't walk properly. thanks to the horrible super legs which somehow affected the muscles between my leg and torso. hence now i can't walk properly cos i look like some misshapen zombie attempting to lumber at a faster speed. >.<

anyway.

right now i am attempting to do my econs S essay. which i swear is killing me. cos me, being the lor sor bitch i am, will blah and bullshit about elasticity concepts and market failure when the question requires me to use simple demand and supply analysis. just that the word limit just happens to be 1000 words.
damn.
if that was bad enough, the fact that there are irritating radicals at home who would not hesitate to polarise me off the com chair is worse. i hate radicals, honestly. they destroy the ozone layer.=X

for lack of better things to say, actually i had something to write, but i just plain forgot it after the radical attacked my brain. yup. i shall end off here. or at least till i remember what i wanted to say.

class PARTAEEE.

2006-02-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

s03s had our first party of the year!
umm well it was held at xinling's ~~palace~~ house.
well her ~~palace~~ house was extremely nice. one of those dream homes where they always advertise on tv. problem is, cleaning how?
for food we had pizza + pie + mee goreng + tong shui + beehoon + choc fudge cake.
*bimbo voice* like, gosh,that's like, oh-so fattening! my poor (insert name of body part) is gonna get all jiggly after this!
anyway, back to normal mode. after that we were trying to get samuel to play the piano.
somehow we managed to psycho jeremy into playing the piano, and after that, seems like EVERYONE wanted to have a go at the piano too!
baldwin probably spent all the time trying to get richard clayderman's ballad pour adeline correct while samuel just played around with it. =)
after food, went to play mahjong. and i admit.
I AM A MAHJONG NOOB. * but i learnt it in dec..so is that considered an excuse?
but the tiles were really smooth and either i have butter fingers or else the tiles are too perfectly polished. they kept on slipping all over the place la. =X
then somehow everyone started to play board games and card games like bridge, risk, game of life etc.
after which we left. actually i left with jems, xy and tina.
somehow i just felt kinda sad on the bus journey home.
or maybe i was just in a sentimental mood cos my sudden taste for music just changed like that * snaps fingers *. perhaps it really is true that good times aren't meant to last forever.
and i'm already starting to wonder what life will be like after JC. after all, life is supposed to go on right?
but there will always be some empty void waiting to be filled somehow or another.
and i'm kinda dead tired so i shall cut things short and end here for now.

BITCHHHH.

2006-02-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

coming back to school after a blissful 4 days of CNY = major traumatic experience. fullstop.

anyway, today wasn't as bad as yesterday, where i had to constantly drink caffeine laced stuff like teh bing coffee bing and coke light.
but 1 teh bing and 1 coffee bing is bad enough.
my poor teeth. but anyway. that's out of point.
actually the lessons today were perfectly fine except for bio lect.
OMG. i swear it was really the most BORING lect ever.
not that mrs nair is boring BUTTT. the topic is just BORING.
plus it's DRY. and info laden.
my poor overtaxed and oxygen deficient brain (from econs tut) was just struggling to make sense of a jumble of cheem terms for homeostasis - human kidney.
after the proximal convoluted tubule or whatever PCT stands for, i just switched off.
tired la. and it's expending too much of my energy just to attempt to keep awake please.
so i stoned until there were some major changes to be made to the notes.
sigh. and to think this year is A level year.

and i'm deluged once again in tutorials, and essays and goodness-gracious-knows-what-else.

i not stupid leh.

2006-01-31T05:41:00.000-08:00

i not stupid was good.
what a perfect parody of life in singapore.
anyway. i just happen to think that the way the movie mirrors life is exceptionally startling.
and i realised the importance of parents even more so.
honestly, i just thought it was really sad that the parents had to read a blog to realise what their child was thinking.
actually, it's not so much the provision of material comforts that a child wants, but rather, it's the knowledge that the parents actually care, give a damn about them rather than lecture and blah and crap about how like this like that will be good for you.
i don't need a lecturer since i have plenty of them in school.
i just want to know why i should not/should do such things.
instructions just don't cut ice with anyone. especially those starting with "you should."
ok perhaps i should stop here. so that i won't progress to being bitchy about family.
sensitive issue.

oh. and as afterthought. who would have realised that the most powerful words are those which are the most painful?

" i love you, mum. :)"

CNY.CNY.

2006-01-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

wells. cny this year wasn't as bad as i expected.
cos i din really message much.. except to some people. and then again, it was to comment about how omg hypocrite i was.
anyway, i still don't exactly see the point of being so polite to people when all you want to tell them is OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP!
perhaps it's ingrained in every chinese that we should all put on perfect masks and say happy new year even to people we don't like.
and speaking of this, today's gathering at my first uncle's house was ROWDY and NOISY and everyone was just shouting at each other across the house from living room to kitchen and bedroom to toilet and whatever la. and i hate cacophonies.
plus i had to self-initiative and say happy new year to people i wanted to ignore.
but out of politeness' sake, i just walked up and said hello, happy new year.
roar. and the most delectable part of the celebration happened to be that my dad left me, mum and bro in the cold while he happily mixed arnd with the rest, oblivious to the fact that we had no bloody idea who was who in the family. i felt like some stupid toot standing there and smiling like i had no idea what was going on.
so in the end i retreated into ipod sanctuary. it just happens to be times like this i love my ipod loads and loads.
but anyway, in the end i amused myself by commenting on how people dressed. =)
well. at least to my mum that is, who would listen to me rant about people dressing.
BUT. not like i was dressed that nicely, wore some striped long sleeve and jeans.
lunch was served teochew style, and oMg. it was just bu shi he wo de wei kou.
the lettuce was sweet, the ginkgo nuts were sweet, and the roast chicken was salty.
gosh i swear i will turn into some diabetic with hypertension after new year.
so hence i need to exercise even more.
after they all caught up.. and i tried and successfully navigated the web of family politics, we went to grandma's house.
where the food was MUCH MUCH BETTER. :)
steamed fish, salted chicken (SALT AGAIN???!!!), veg.
i love cantonese style food although technically i am a teochew.
anyway, i am so happy cos 2mr i'm gonna carolyn's house with sheng long and dunnowhoelse to go play mahjong. :):)

CNY eve.

2006-01-28T07:29:00.000-08:00

CNY eve and i'm feeling very nettled.
probably by the fact that people just spew vulgarities all over the place like punctuation marks.
although i don't deny that i don't use vulgarities, but i don't punctuate my sentences with knnbccb, fuck,bastard,cb ETC. the list gets longer.
hope for the best 2mr, cos like it's gonna be a long day of visiting and getting ang pows.

and suddenly, i realised i miss mr vadi lots.
sigh.

stupid people!

2006-01-27T04:00:00.000-08:00

lois's friend indu (sorry if spelling is wrong or name is wrong) commented that my bag was rather offensive, then she quoted some article on the forum page stating that there was this person who tried to get shirts with offensive stuff written on it like " i am surrounded by idiots like you" banned.
which is literally asking to be slammed, honestly.
if you don't like what's written on the shirt, and you feel that you must DESPERATELY air to the world how insulting you think the shirt is, how insulted you felt when you read the shirt, and how you think such insulting shirts will corrupt moral standards in the country, DON'T DO IT ON THE NEWSPAPERS. please do it somewhere else like a blog, where i'm sure you can air anything you want that is not seditious etc. and so you don't waste newspaper space and irritate the shit out of people who unfortunately happened to glance across your article.
anyway, my take on this is pretty simple. if you can't stomach the fact that someone has a shirt which implies that you are an idiot, or simply laugh it off as the person trying to be funny, then perhaps:

a) you have no sense of humour whatsoever
b) you're just DUMB and you hate him for exposing you for it
c) you're just some stuffed shit who preaches morals you don't even follow
d) you feel very righteous for the people whom the shirt's message is targetting at
e) you think it will cause grevious mental trauma to society by allowing such shirts to be freely paraded about.
f) you fear that children might learn bad words from this.
g) LOSERRRR. enough said.

and of course there could be more reasons, but i don't really give a damn about them.
i find such sanctimonious people a pain in the ass who have nothing absolutely better to except to bury their overstuffed and self-inflated head into utterly silly things such as wearing an offensive t-shirt. i mean, it's the person's choice to wear it, and i'm pretty sure that intelligent singaporeans will be able to appreciate the fact that the wearer is trying to establish a statement, not INSULT PEOPLE, GET IT?
for the education we're supposed to receive, the amount of nitty gritty stuff that gets dredged up over and over again in the newspapers shows just how absolutely petty we are. umm. disregarding the nail clipping in the bus incident, cos it is really pretty gross to dump your nails, infested with bacteria, all over public transport.
just because you don't like the shirt doesn't mean other people find it offensive.
if you just criticised the fact that the shirt was insulting w/o calling for its ban, i could hell be bothered with your petty criticisms of a shirt which seems very insulting to people.
but if you choose to ignore it, then you are a level-headed an astute person who realises that the person is desperate for attention. if you get riled up, WELL DONE! you have just gotten mired in the trap of self-righteousnous which always springs up whenever you assume that something you cannot appreciate is something society cannot appreciate. selfish, aren't you to think this way? and by suggesting banning, you are showing the world how intolerant you are of alternative mindsets and in fact you are stifling creativity!
creativity takes place in many ways, and dressing is one of them. since you criticised some tees for having provocative messages on them, i shall hence assume you wear all the boring clothes which are so typical of singaporeans, like polo tee and shorts, polo tee and jeans, tee shirt and jeans. can you imagine the whole of singapore dressed like this? it's so disgusting to see people wearing identical clothes, like you're going to school and it's just some omg uniform you have to wear to identify yourself as a student of this country.
and i salute such people for having the bravery to actually wear the shirt out because it does take a fair amount of thick skin to ignore the stares from people when you walk down orchard road dressed like that.
i'm pretty ashamed to actually know that there are such pathetically small minded singaporeans who hide their true intentions behind the facade of upholding morals. UTTERLY SHAMELESS.
oh wells. what can i do anyway except comment and bitch about it.

today was a horrible day.i.e. waste of perfectly good time.
chinese new year was spent in the small canteen playing cards and writing cards and drawing tables and learning to play risk.
some celebration it was. roarr. then after which we went to macs for breakfast and sort of celebrated lester's birthday.
then we went to town to play pool and arcade.
and i got owned by baldwin in pool.=X
after which we wanted to bowl. and well. couldn't cos there was too many people there.
then lester had to leave to meet up with his fren.
shortly after that, christie left to go new year shopping, which was rather dotZ considering that one should never leave such important stuff to the last minute. but anyway.
mango and felix were missing although they said they would come.
so in the end, baldwin me and jw went to BK to just sit around to decide.
then somehow we just ended up talking about random stuff.
quite interesting though.cos i felt so enlightened after it. perhaps i've never really contemplated the stuff discussed just now.
anyway. i'm really tired right now. shall update again sometime soon.

dang.

2006-01-25T01:30:00.000-08:00

for the dunno-how-manyth time in this year, i sat thru another lecture which of course, i had no idea what was going on. actually, it was 2.
maths lect was horrible. i totally DID NOT get the concept of numerical methods. like, so what if alpha is between this number and that number? SO? what's the point of us learning this?
is it cos small approximations in differentiation is like highly inaccurate and numerical methods is a platform for us to actually perfect the obtained value? if that's the case then damn the stupid mathematicians who have to plague us with such ridiculous formulas.
econs lect, after maths, was NO BETTER! oh well. i totally had no idea what he was talking about after marginal propensity to import. and i don't get the point of learning keynesian and monetarist model.
anyway, i got a rather cool yellow long sleeved shirt from POA just now.. after much rushing thru cutting hair, buying shoes etc... actually i wanted another striped one.. but then i realised that POA didn't have a bigger size.
and wth i have so much fat around my middle that one can just juice me and like provide enough fuel to power singapore for at least a week. damnits perhaps i should just go and run more.

and omg. i realised that it's like 12.30a.m now and i haven't and still don't understand wtf milton friedman is talking about. somebody save me.

toxicity.

2006-01-23T05:44:00.000-08:00

isn't it really amazing that out of the gazillion rafflesians that are now thronging the halls of rj,
it just takes ONE miserable arrogant RI ass to cause people to stereotype them like that?

anyway. i shall quit my bitching on this subject. cos i really think it's dumb to have stereotypes.

today had mock napfa..and well.. to my expectations, i failed everything except sit and reach. LIKE, WOW.
hence, i have so-called officially failed 2.4, pullups, and standing broad jump.
yay. i am so gonna have to work hard to pass napfa. grr.
stupid napfa is such a pain in the ass, honestly.
roar. i'm rather tired. hence shall sleep after doing my econs essay outline.
and JEREMY MARK PEREIRA, WHERE ARE MY MACROECONOMICS NOTES?

randomity.

2006-01-20T04:56:00.000-08:00

i've seen rather traumatizing scenes on trains, buses and escalators before.
today's one just takes the cake for the most OMG PDA scene ever.
guy was hugging girl, girl was in a miniskirt, guy in super baggy jeans.
like those about to like fall off without help of a belt kind..rather obscene when you can see the boxers and briefs and what not la. leave it to imagination to conjure up even more gross scenes. but anyway that's not the point.
guy had his hand in girl's skirt behind, girl had her hand in guy's jeans.
basically, to put it rather vulgarly, they were literally super-glueing their hands to their butts.
which, come to think of it is rather gross.
and the worst part of it? they were like standing in the middle of the train between 2 doors. HENCE, FREE SHOW.
but really, it's not about the free show.. i'm sure that if it were not a public place you'd suddenly start hearing moans and groans and whatever sounds people make when they romp between the sheets.. in this case between the doors of the MRT.
and everyone was sneaking glances at their rather explicit behaviour..
they were totally oblivious to it.
probably they were like massaging each other's butts and commenting on it's smoothness/hardness/toughness/cellulite/whatever.. but i really don't know, it was just too in my face and hence i retreated into the comfort of the songs playing on my ipod video.
anyway, although i've seen lesbians kiss in school u on takashimaya escalator, and even gays doing pda, this really really is the most gross thing i've ever seen so far irregardless of place.
i mean, kissing is not so bad..but buttmassaging???
that's not just an eyesore, but it's sending the message that you're an exhibitionist who wouldn't mind ripping off your clothes and having sex in full public view. not that i would watch though, i'm no voyuer. =X

finally the weekends are here. after a whole week of sleeping at 12 and beyond, it's a welcome relief to be able to sleep 12++++ hours and wake up feeling so good.
but unfortunately, homework takes centre stage yet again.
i'm literally being suffocated, entwined, drowned, and smothered by homework.
power series tutorial, differentiation tutorial 12C, homeostasis tutorial,econs tutorial, econs test to prepare for, bio test to prepare for, and alkenes tutorial.
isn't that quite a pile of junk to complete?
sigh. then they're gonna finish arenes and that's another tutorial to add to the list.
HELP.

chinese new year's around the corner and..well..
i just don't care about it.

rain rain go away.

2006-01-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

was watching the rain fall while eating a mushroom swiss double at pearl's center in chinatown just now.
strangely, there's usually some fixation with me and rain.
i wonder if it's because of the fact that rain represents many things to me.
firstly, it represents sorrow when superficial interpretation is used.
there's a saying in chinese, " 凄风苦雨", which explains a lot about cold and rainy days.
rain also represents serenity because of the constancy of it. something like harmony in the middle of chaos where chaos is in the random way rain seems to fall and harmony because it looks the way it's meant to be.
also, rain can represent the washing away of unwanted things. sort of like starting something on a clean slate, and hence, the saying, sunshine after the rain, meaning a new beginning and the shedding off of the past. it gives me hope in way because there is always the expectation that when the rain stops, the sun will come out and renew everything.
rain is also a perfect reflection of one's mood sometimes.
lastly, rain represents life as well. water is the source of life. hence without rain there is no water, and where there is no water, there is no life. ok flawed logic, but the point here is that rain brings life.

oh well. perhaps i should stop dwelling into rain so much and focus on my DRQ now.

save me someone.

2006-01-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

i can't say much about today except that it was very tiring.
(firstly, it's my fault for sleeping at like 1.30 on sunday night..or rather, monday morning.)
pe was killer. but i kind of enjoyed it. i think i'm suffering from some mental disorders.
and i fell asleep during mrs chong's lesson. grr. politics and sleepyheads don't exactly go together.
i just can't stand politics. classroom,blahblah..or otherwise. cos it's such a pain to navigate it all and stay free of the entrapments of it.
well. ok that was really random and out of point.
and i've finished almost everything except the AQ. arg.

was kind of wondering about really really really random stuff like.
why must there be an economy?
how do people actually know how much an item is valued?
why does modernisation create so many new inventions but brings so many problems as well?
see. this happens when i don't get enough sleep.

on a much happier note, i'm really happy with the fact that my internal jumble has vanished. and right now, i'm no longer a confused individual anymore.
well. at least my life now has more purpose than last time when i was like just floundering in some mud pit trying to stay afloat.

daphy said i looked rather sad today. really? anyway. must be the fact that i'm reallyreally tired or something.. so i probably tend to look kinda distant and lost and forlorn. i dunno. was just thinking about some stuff while standing in the ridiculously long subway queue when daphy just came up and poked me. and jolted me out of my random train of thought.

well. i guess the main consolation is that i'm not the only one suffering from major lack of sleep.
and it's back to my AQ .

but before i go. i have to list 5 random stuff about myself and pass the tag on. =( and the poor 5 people i tag will have to list 5 random things about themselves and pass it on. see? i'm not the correct frame of mind already.

1) i don't really like to smile when i'm alone on my way home etc or just randomly walking around waiting for people.

2) constant cravings for sashimi and pasta.

3) will shoot sarcastic barbs at people who talk about stupid stuff ie. taxi drivers and their mumbo jumbo about the political scene of singapore.

4) highly introverted by nature.

5) room is perpetually in a mess..don't enquire. =X

gahh. i just realised that i want to have the ability to freeze time.
damnits. must be the effect of hearing about the vj superpowers.
*attempts to slap cy.*
bye.

suppressing some stuff.

2006-01-14T10:12:00.000-08:00

i've finally got my internet back..and hence i am very happy about it.
ok that was rather duh. so i can like finally post about my bleh life and bleh-er activities which i'm sure no one reads. so that's good in a certain way.
anyway, everything started on wednesday.
left school at like 12 plus with xueying, was holding suefaye's tys.
cos i like totally conveniently LOST my tys. gahh. i haven't really smacked myself for losing such an important set of books but aiyah nevermind la what's done is done.
so we walked to j8 where i waited with xy for her fren to come before leaving for yck.
when i reached yck alex called and told me he was at hwa chong crossing the bridge.
and i was suitably annoyed. but anyway, it's not exactly good to be so picky about such stuff, so i decided to go to AMK library to look for "dying for chocolate" by diane mott davidson.
then when i reached the lib, my lib credit was maxed! and when i checked for the book, the OPAC system conveniently told me that the book was ON LOAN!
and i swear i almost started cursing people if not for the fact tht i was wearing RJ uniform.
didn't want to embarass myself or the school since the whole world thinks that we are some race of elites and are waiting to pounce on our every mistake just to prove that we are human. well, WHATEVER.
so yeah when alex came we went to AJ to look for people to catch up. like former OG mates, CCA mates, classmates, random friends..yup. and i have to admit, i wasn't disappointed cos i got to catch up with terence, sihui, 1605, voconti.. but what was really funny was the fact that people tried to solicit me and alex for CCAs. and i was holding a bio tys in plain view. so yeah i decided to use that as my pass to preven people from asking me again. but to no avail la and i was rather amused when they realised i was a j2. =X
but i guess going back to aj was a really bad decision to make.
because it just awakened the memories i was trying so badly to suppress. and guess what?
from this, i'm even more afraid to leave RJ at the end of the year. i hate thinking about this again, but really, i realised that i'm been wounded rather badly at the end of sec 4, last march, and the next time i'm gonna get hurt again is this december when i officially leave RJ. actually i'm very worried about this because i'm not if i'd be able to recover.
anyway, after all this bullshitting, i'm sure i'd be able to because i managed to remain standing despite having 2 blows last year. so i'm optimistic i can.
i can't help but wonder how come i'm starting to develop attachment to RJ. probably because i've realised that under that cold and frozen facade lies hearts that pulse with passion. i'm really glad to have been able to shatter the stereotype that RJ is a cold place...at least within myself, because after AJ, a cold place would have been really terrible to bear.

well. and floorball recre is no longer a recre sport, so right now i'm part of a sports cca again :)
and napfa is going to be scary, but i'm sure i can make it thru with at least a silver! i'm gonna start going to the gym if i want to pass my napfa :):)

anyway.i'm damn sleepy. courtesy of organising my songs. and whatnots. and like. reformatting my com restored my internet. grr. i'm still feeling bitchy about it. anyway. nites.

how long ago?

2006-01-05T02:53:00.000-08:00

it's been rather a while since i last posted. oh wells.
yesterday the technician from starhub came over to check the com. and OMG really it was the network interface card. so now it's the com that's spoilt. grr.
anyway i learnt a rather lot of computer jargon from this irritating incident.
and i need to bring the whole damn cpu to challenger to get them to reinstall the network card.
which i think will probably be on some weekend when i have the time and the energy to like carry the whole CPU to the store.
i'm in school now. and the rain just doesn't seem to stop.. it's coming in showers and I WANNA GO HOME!! =x
sigh. anyway life's pretty much the same except that now it's j2.
and although i'm not feeling the stress.. it's probably going to come sooner or later.
anyway. rather tired. gonna get something to eat.. been checking quotes for like. 2.5 hours in the stupid cold lib?
ciao.

reflections for the year 2005

2005-12-17T01:08:00.000-08:00

honestly, i've been in a rather reflective mood.
and also busy doing damage control to myself. with all my flaws and problems and what not i realised that i need to start helping myself before i can actually help others.

anyway, this entry is not dedicated to how i found out that i was a closet narcissist, nor how i will overcome it, as well as how i've tried to suppress stuff which does not and will not sound nice to anyone when told to their face directly.

i've constantly looked back on this year, and i realised that i had to chronicle all the things i SHOULD have done, if not i'd conveniently repeat the same mistakes next time. and that would be a horrible thought cos according to the elders, one should " learn from the mistakes made." sorry, in my case, i repeat them and make even more mistakes. =X

oh well. let's just start from january.
although it's rather stupid to constantly reflect on the stupidity of my first three months and after the first three months, but the regret still lingers on. what would have become of me if i had remained in AJ? what would have been if i had appealed into RJ in the first three months using judo? i bet things would have been different because normally people who stay on from the first three months would be able to adapt better to the environment.

after reading alex's blog, i realised that i would have done the same thing had i been given another chance to repick my eventual JC again during the JAE. but i think i really shouldn't whine about it la. cos i HAD a choice. i don't deny that i HAD a choice. i wasn't FORCED to go into rj with my 8 points. i picked it. pity myself that i believed the adage that the "grass was (supposedly) greener on the other side." but of course, (damn this is like SO contradictory) if i din come to RJ, i wouldn't have met people like melody,huiwen,1so3s..and established stronger relationships with my 403 classmates in RJ as well as the people i've known before like joanne, xincai, huilian, daphy ETCETC. well. silver lining in every dark cloud?

BUT. what i missed about my time in anderson junior college was the people. AJ taught me how to converse more fluently bilingually and how to appreciate the chinese language. in SJI, all conversations were carried out mainly in english. the only chinese we heard was during chinese lessons where we were forced to memorise ci yus and whatnot. and it was there that all the stereotypes of schools such as cedar, RI, TCHS, CHS, and neighbourhood schools was totally shattered. i wish not to reveal my thoughts on such schools if not people will start flaming me for putting my honest thoughts on the internet and blahblahblah. you fill that in. and things i never imagined happening actually happened.

such as getting to know alex. ok.i am not gay. but the point is that this sji guy considers that chinese high guy a good fren of his. and they can actually communicate. for all that stereotyping about TCHS guys being _______________________, it's not true. and it's really irritating to know that other people have such pathetic misconceptions which they refuse to change. my eyes have been truly opened due to the diverse mix of people in AJ. Although they are what choonyong calls bukit-tarian schools, it's a fresh change from the competitive top schools. i actually felt more at home in AJ than i ever will in RJ. RJ to me is a place where i go to study and pit my wits against the best in the country. AJ was like a second SJI to me. a place where i could seek solace in, where i knew would be able to console me.

and how can i forget amos. Mr 153cm. Mr atypical RI. my ogmate in voconti. of all that stereotypes about RI guys being nerds etc etc etc, after meeting amos, i was still wondering whether he WAS from RI. for all that nonsense about RI guys being super muggerholics, i'm sure amos proved me wrong. and as for being super comfortable in a super mugger AJ double maths class, he wasnt, and actually, he rather admired 1805 for our class spirit. and he hated his class cos they were muggers. well. although i DO KNOW some super muggerholics in RJ whom are from RI, they can be considered the minority.

well. what i forwent in coming to RJ, i've gotten over it. it was a VERY VERY long time before i could actually convince myself to forget them. and for many nights after the move to RJ, i remember reading smses and notes of encouragement..and although i tried to contain them, somehow a renegade tear would just trickle down my cheek. although it sounds dramatic to write it like this, but honestly, i missed them so much. and i was regretting my hasty and impulsive decision because of selfgratification. but still, i think i've emerged a stronger person, and that's the most important thing that matters. of course..it took me SO LONG. seriously. emotional baggage carried over is really the hardest thing to get rid of.

anyway. april.
adjustment period. it was honestly very tough for me. but nevermind, i still made it out alive.
i remember the jealousy i felt whenever i saw tight-knit cliques together. and how rejected i felt when someone turned me down. and how painful it was to deal with rejection. but after looking back on these experiences, i now know it was hard for people to accept me as well for me to accept them so quickly. the ghost of the first three months always haunts people. and sometimes the shadow is so unshakeable.

sometimes i'm wondering why people get so sentimental about the first three months. i always reminisce about the past with alex. and we occasionally poke our noses into 1605's business. and in the process made a few friends among the second intakers. maybe what chin hua said was right. the reason why we pine so much for such relations is because we never had a chance to take them to another level. and i agree with him. it's just like a story which has like certain pages ripped out, and the conclusion stained with ink, rendering it unreadable.(ok that was a bad comparison). occasionally i do wonder what would have happened. but if anyone reads narnia, they'd remember the quote in "the horse and his boy" by aslan. "Child, you are not permitted to know what would have been." or SOMETHINGLIKETHATLA.

may.june.july.
my first common test. i regret that i did not put in enough effort. thinking that i still a lot of time left to mug for it. i enjoyed myself like crazy during june. and i also also regret the fact that i did not go on the thailand OCIP trip. because it was an eyeopener for me. but i know i didn't want to leave my comfort zone to make a trip there to sort of suffer. and partially because i didn't know where to register. well. bimboticism is probably part of my genetic makeup.
my other major regret is that i did not hastily join a CCA.
really. and i should have so rejoined judo. BUT THE MAIN PROBLEM IS, my opponents in the near future would MOST LIKELY be my ex-teammates. and it's rather painful for me to fight against them in competitions. although someone told me to treat it like shiai, well.. i just can't do it.

august.september.october.
PROMOS.WERE.LIKE.SHIT. i admit that i didn't really prepare for certain papers. BUT NOT CHEMISTRY. HONESTLY. I SLOGGED MY GUTS OUT OVER CHEM. and i still got a D. maybe what's bugging me was the fact that i thought i could do well for it without putting in much effort. well i should just learn from samuel yiiwen and andrea. who put in a lot of effort to get their double S. and so i'm stuck with one S. i would have loved to challenge myself with 2 S. but unfortunately, thanks to my complacency and procrastination, i did not do as well i wanted to.
and the other major fact i regret is that i was too afraid of rejection to want to join OGL. cos like, comparably, i have no leadership positions, and i'm more introvert than extrovert..and i confess i was rather intimidated by the interview with the council members. well. i've just blown my last chance already to facilitate the orientation of the new j1s. perhaps you'd be wondering why the hell i actually would want to do this especially since i keep on projecting the image that i hate RJ? well.. i don't really know myself. and it's not a hypocritical thing.
plus the laos trip. i swear i am still kicking myself over it. honestly. damnit i should sometimes just go with my heart instead of my head. and stop telling myself i can't do it. i can't do it. i can't do it, when i can. well. that's a learning point.

november.december.
actually these two months are not that important cos the school term has ended. NO REGRETS whatsoever. except that i could do with lots of peace and quiet and intelligent questions rather than dumb ones such as. "your best fren is from which school arh?" like wtfh? that was so random can.

anyway. daphy returned from laos today :) welcome back daphy! :)

finally. it's reached an end already. wah lau it took me 2days to chronicle a year's disgusting mishaps and misdemeanors and whatnot. but it has been a rather interesting year of selfdiscovery.
and on a final note, NO MORE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.
why make them when you don't keep them? :X

blogging for the sake of blogging, actually.

2005-12-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

i'm now at cy's hse..intended to use the gym but there's only.one.treadmill.
UGH. and if that wasn't bad enough, someone was hogging it. nevermind i shall so go to other gyms instead. or go early in the morning.
well. the past few days have been rather bz cos i've been doing housework like washing curtains, ironing clothes, mopping the floor, and hanging curtains up again.
it was rather tiring and it's so irritating to hang curtains up when certain members of the family expect you to have like three million extendable hands to cater to their every whim.
dang. sometimes it would be good to have the chaos knight's phantasm ability and split myself into four perfect specimens such that i can like do more things at one go.
well. gotta go. watching movie now.

weirdweird.

2005-12-03T09:25:00.000-08:00

i guess for today i shall post twice. once later.
don't ask me why. but i suddenly feel very overwhelmed by thoughts at 1.25 am in the morning.
like wth right. no wonder all the elderly commit suicide at night.
cos as night, you'd end up hallucinating to a certain extent..and your mind starts to think of stupid stuff which seems rather decent until the next morning.
like. does this person like the person i am? or should i change? etc.
and from this rather really STUPID question, it will progress on to some analysis of the person's behaviour towards you.
which is not good at all. rather ridiculous actually. but at night it JUST MAKES SENSE. don't ask me why. i am so desperately trying to find out why our brains become more active at night.
is this the basis of dreams? over worked brains.
wow.
anyway, my current train of thought is something along the lines of is there some entity hidden at the back of your head? think something like voldemort's possession of prof quirrell in harry potter book one.
or worse still, is there some entity that's following you but you can't see it in the mirrors nor can you see it cos you don't have eyes at the back of your head?
rather freakified to think of it but i'm sure everyone's had that thought before.
i admit i always worry about this kind of stupid things. especially when for no reason your goosebumps just start rising and you feel there's something not right around a particular area?
and you're like getting really weird vibes.
gosh. perhaps i'm just hypersensitive, but oh well, sometimes some feelings are just unshakeable.
i conclude. i have weird and morbid fascinations. :)

bitchy bitchy.

2005-12-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

i can't help wondering what it would be like if i were born in malaysia not singapore.
honestly, the lifestyle over here is so different compared to back in singapore.
it's much more relaxed and i think people who know me in singapore would recognise a more relaxed me instead of the stressed up, sarcastic and tense b****.
somehow i get the feeling that i'm just flowing with time instead of rushing against it to beat deadlines, hand in homework, get enough sleep, mug for exams and juggle all other commitments such as leisure and my favourite arcade games.
it would really be heavenly to stay in a place where life is not so stressful.
but after reflection, the reason why i left AJ after the first three months was the same as alex's.
i mean, after all, stress is the only reason why i actually have the motivation or the endurance to last thru the demanding school system.
conditioned reflex perhaps, but what can i say to argue against nurture's effects?
if singapore was not so result oriented and goal driven, i think many of us will not have been so affected to the point that stress is the main mechanism which keeps us going to beat the rest and so called win the competition.
rather pointless to go into the nature vs nurture debate right now.
and honestly, debates are really a pointless waste of precious time.
and i'm still happily pigging out in malaysia right now.
haha.:)

random thoughts

2005-12-02T06:20:00.000-08:00

hoho. i must be mad to watch war and beauty like 2 times.
but it's so worth it and besides i love the last episode.
so realistic in a way. and it's not those stupid yay they have a happy ending kind of endings.
gosh. this is so gushing again. but really, i can't be bothered.
and i must find out what the handkerchief said. seriously.

went to berjaya times square. and really, that place is a rather waste of time.
or perhaps it doesn't appeal to me. well what can i say.
it was rather traumatising to find stuff to do for like 2 hours plus.
never again please.
well. starbucks in malaysia is so different than in singapore.
seriously please it's like extra 1.50 for addition of whipped cream.
isn't it supposed to come free together with the coffee upon request??
anyway. the monorail system in KL is rather good, but i think the major problem is that 4 operators are running the show.
which is rather impractical.
to get to imbi station from kelana jaya, you must take a train to sentral, then after that WALK to another station.
gahh. so dumb can. why not like dump everything in sentral so that it's more convenient for commuters????
then everyone need not walk here walk there. such a painn.

haha. well. rather stoned now. for the lack of intellectual posts, i shall just sign off now. ciao.

foodfoodfood

2005-12-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

ooh i swear malaysia is really a foodies paradise.
i've managed to gorge myself on so much food i'm rather amazed i haven't become a big fat rolling ball or lard.
ipoh hor fun.
salted chicken also from ipoh.
wanton mee from bidor.
and frog's legs.
goodness eh.
i'm still wondering where my source of fibre is coming from.
must prevent constipation cos it takes up time in the toilet.
and of course time is precious. see i'm so crapping now.
hmm. especially can't wait for 2mr when i will be going on a shopping spree in malaysia!! woohoo!
in case people think this guy is a crazy woman, sorry to tell you, but this guy is rather shopping crazy.
cos due to lack of clothes and shoes and pants, he has been rather desperate to get cheap buys which look good :)
haha well. till 2mr. cos i'm currently at my cousin's house a freeflow of internet.
yesyes. what a shameless slut! :)

extra extra

2005-11-23T16:25:00.000-08:00

gah. so bloody dumb to post twice a day isn't it.
anyway, i've got to add on a lot a lot of stuff. so if long boring chunks of nonsensical and monotonous and substandard writing interest you, please, click the x button at the top right hand corner of the screen. or was it the left? hmm.

on hindsight, i'm wondering whether my instincts about people are accurate or so totally off that i really ought to go slap myself a million times and die. somehow i get the impression that some people aren't really who they are, and they are the type who seem to be what the public wants them to be. as a matter of fact, i do know of some people who like to be happening and to know all and to be able to have something to say about something else. like eg harry potter. some people may not like to watch it but for the sake of having something to say, they will sit thru like 2.5 hours of trauma, just to have something to comment on. well. i see no point in traumatizing yourself if you really aren't interested in the movie.
it's a rather sweeping statement to make but well i guess for mostly everyone, we all want to be well liked, we want to say the right things, we want approval from the people around us and most importantly, we don't want to be ostracised. that much i understand cause i used to be the type who craved for attention so much that i found myself changing to suit what i thought others wanted me to be like. after a while, it just got very tiring leading a double life. what's the point of living for another person? i realised that ever since i started living my own life i've been much happier as i don't depend on others' approval to be happy, or to feel contented that someone actually thinks i'm like that. and as a result, i dont think i'm as bitchy as last time. insecurities does weird things to normal people. and as a guo lai ren, i should really understand it.
perhaps you can say that i've found myself at last, but the point is, how can i absolutely be certain it's me i've found? because of external influences i definitely will change. and besides, staying the same forever will mean you are doomed to become a relic of the past.and rather crudely put, you'd be washed away in the sands to time as well.
had this talk with sheng long that day. and i learnt a lot of stuff about some people i never knew about. and it was rather. rather. an eyeopener. of course, i didn't know the truth about some stuff, which i will not reveal here for certain reasons, but, it rather shocked me quite badly. and i'm still reeling from that blow. i can never for the life of me associate something together with person X. well.well. the things people say which make your eyes pop out.
and i have to admit, i hate admitting i'm wrong about someone. or something. blame it on me for being such an arrogant jerk but that's not the point.

anyway, for want to better things to say, i shall stop here and regather my disorganised thoughts which are reverberating in my mind now.

and before i actually REALLY end off...
it's traumatising to know that the slut in the background when i called cy on monday was a GUY.
i honestly thought it was a desperate teenager.
UGH. spare me the EXTREME end of the sluttiness scale.
and next time i think i shall wait until he's at home before calling his hp.
don't EVER want to be traumatised by a male superslut whoring his way thru LOUDLY on the phone. yup.

bye.

birthdays birthdays

2005-11-23T15:43:00.000-08:00

gosh i'm finally 17. but honestly, i think it's no big deal anyway. i mean, turning seventeen doesn't constitute much does it. unless you count it as one more year to an M18 movie or another like, 4 years to an R21 movie?
i still can't legally drink, can't watch so-called R(A) movies. well. whatever. it will probably come soon. but really, it's not that important cos there are such things called DVDs.
anyway, recounting the past events of the last week, i'm ashamed to say i've been leading a rather decadent lifestyle.
on 18th nov, caiping and carolyn treated me to swensens for lunch, which is seriously rather bom, and after that my mum treated me to italian food for dinner. see how rich the food is? =X
then the very next day, i got a sashimi buffet lunch treat. a buffet sommore. urg ate so much that.. i nearly threw up, felt rather...bloated for the rest of the day.
ok then on sunday, went to kbox with cy and sl. and the tidbits were oh my gosh rather fattening. and the lemon sprite! sugar sugar sugar!! anyway, i hope the singing burned SOME calories. then after which was dinner at food court. which is ok la not that lavish but still..all the ajinomoto and salt. i wouldn't have minded eating outside butttt. the problem doesn't lie with the food, it's the fact that eating outside food is rather HEALTHY. then on monday. 403 outing.
jerry suhairi haikel mark chinhwee frank mat roman and me.
some class outing but aiyah. nevermind la. went to breeks, where i proceeded to bom myself out by eating caesar salad on top of baked rice. gosh. after which we went bowling at marina! and frank got like. 4 strikes in a row? so the ninth and tenth frames were all crosses. ;X
and i got 2 separate strikes. which is rather wow considering the fact that i can't bowl for absolute nuts. =X
and yesterday, went to watch harry potter. and my first unbom dinner. subway! :) umm. the cookies weren't exactly that healthy but what the heck. i shall satisfy my sweet tooth above all other health concerns. rather contradictory but i was in the mood...for sugar.
did i mention that sl rather intelligently bought a footlong sandwich? like omg what kind of decision is that for a small-eater?? and to add on, he bought a set meal! which consisted of 2 cookies and a medium drink. and as expected. or rather, not unexpected, he only ate half the sandwich, leaving the other half for a cinema treat. well i saved my cookies too.
and today, watched harry potter again with cy. but this time it was PURELY for eye candy such as emma watson. and perhaps the actress playing fleur delacour. and i thought cho chang (katie leung) looked SO MUCH better at the yule ball than at the owlery.
then again, fleur looked positively elegant and regal at the ball where she was supposedly dancing with roger davies.
anyway, harry and parvati looked really PERFECT dancing together. *sense my sarcasm*
and as for hermione..she was stunning. i've got to admit it. and i rather liked cho's oriental outfit at the ball.
and i've got to admit that cedric diggory is rather handsome. just like the book said :)
but cho..umm i think she's more to cute than drop dead gorgeous.:(
but hermione is still the best looking out of all of them? :):)
krum looks like a jock. behaves like one. and perhaps, as moody put it rather vulgarly, "has a brain of sawdust."

ok enough about how goodlooking/badlooking the characters are.

hmm. anyway met amos and becky at gwc on friday too. they said that harry potter sucked.
well to a person who has read harry potter, a large amount of stuff was left out.
like the house elves, many subplots, the fact that the s*** rita skeeter was an animagus..
but to a person who had NEVER touched the goblet of fire, i think they'd find it not bad.
because the effects were rather good.
BUT. they made a super big mistake. the graveyard scene.
cedric diggory did not get BLASTED backwards. if i remember the way the avada kedavra curse works, he should have just slumped down instead of flying backwards onto a tombstone.
and the maze. since when did the bushes shake like crazy and there was not sphinx, no acromantula and some weird section which made someone go all the way upside down?
and the first thing harry was supposed to mutter was lumos. which would have provided a light!! =X
anyway. i sound so obsessed.

but ok, overall, i did enjoy the effects. like the dancing fire of the goblet of fire.
but i thought the plot could have been better.
:)

stuff

2005-11-15T20:01:00.000-08:00

ooh. i've not updated for like. 8 days already.
anyway, it's cos everything has been pretty boring so far and there's not much controversy plaguing newspapers..at least none of which are interesting tho.
hmm.yes i finally remember. went to kbox for the second time on 8/11/2005..
with cy and sl. and i swear we must have probably made the people walking past our room laugh until they were totally breathless. haha i can still remember cy's slut behaviour to the frontdesk.

"to use k-student you must have a membership card. are any of you members?"
*all 3 of us* "no."
"then you must apply for member. 5 dollars."
*cy puts on that slut expression when he's thinking deeply.*
*in a slut manner + slightly act cute* "ok lor."

me and sl just tried not to die laughing on the spot. i'm sure the frontdesk was probably totally stunned at the audacity of cy but then again, to us it's absolutely NOT NEW at all. so it was pretty hilarious. then when we went into the room..

*cy* " WHY THE ROOM OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN ONE??"

LOL. and guess the first song we picked. it's no surprise to cy and sl that it was jolin tsai's ye man you xi. and the com i'm using doesnt exactly allow me to use chinese characters. anyway. just like the typical jolin vids, there will be a scene where she will be dancing..etc the chorus..
then IN FRONT of the kitchen, cy just started dancing to the music in a slightly exaggerated manner..but otherwise near perfect imitation of jolin. goodness. i really had no idea whether to hide my face or burst out laughing. i guess it was more humorous..and anyway we were there to let our hair down anyway. so yeah take it with a pinch of salt and nothing more. :)

after singing for 3 hours, i was kind of expecting them to chase us out. but the most funny part was that we exceeded the time for like 1.5 hours and they still did not send in any warning. lol. now that's funny. but the cigarette smoke was so disgustingly noxious and toxic that 1.5 extra hours of CO inhalation and the formation of probably a lot of carboxyhaemoglobin forced us out. well i guess cy was looking slightly sick. whereas sl and i weren't that badly affected. though i admit, i was feeling headachy and tired. probably due to hunger.

so we went to marina square food court for dinner. and i do admit, the revamped marina square is exquisite. it's so well organised and packed with shops. well.although not ALL the shops are out, at least there's plenty to allow for proper shopping + window shopping etc. and the leisureplex is definitely much better than before. although i do whine sometimes that the theatres are abnormally cold.

sidetrack.. it was rather freezing when i went to watch the maid there. probably due to the fact that there were little occupants but i dont really think it matters. and cold cinema + horror movie don't exactly go well.

anyway, there's also kbox there. yes i know it was kind of a stupid decision to go to AMK kbox, but then again, we didn't know we'd end up at marina. after dinner went to play para para and DDR..although the arcade is not bad but i think that if they had percussion master it would be better. after which sl wanted to eat dessert! gosh. so we attempted to find dessert futilely. even gluttons bay at esplanade did not have dessert. unless you counted the cheng tng which cost a whopping 2.20..

well. in the end sl bought some ice cream off some vendor and we walked to clarke quay. after which we went home. and i think that clarke quay now is purely disgusting. too commercialised. and it's lost its charm too.

then yesterday. 14/11/2005. it was a rather interesting day.
met up with jems clare farah mango lester bombom and jw at j8 for lunch..which of course did not materialise since mango and jems had eaten. and according to jems, mango amused ms veera by doing some..shall we say..acrobatic stunts with a paper script. after which we left for cine to watch emily rose. met up with xy suef melvin chengaleng christie elsie and baldwin there. so 13 people for a movie. and bom was not interested in watching emily rose..but somehow we managed to convince her to watch. and resulted in her wasting money cos she only watched like 15 mins at most of the show before leaving..and xy was probably terrified..and left the theatre like 3 times to go to the toilet?! and coincidentally she NEEDED to go to the toilet when it was the scary parts. so chengleng says. LOL how amusing. but i admit, if this happened to me i'd be pretty freaked to see weird stuff like undead faces and stuff pouring out of eyes and what not. ugh. but overall it was a good movie. and the prosecutor..acting as the people.. was a rather sanctimonious jerk who was overbearing and overaggresive and too selfopinionated.

then we went to play lan. in the end only the LAN gang went. which is mango lester jw jems and me. and chengleng came along too! :) well..clare had so called SOMETHING on. we wonder what. but nevermind.

and mr ng came at like..7+ 8???? just when we were going to have dinner. in the end we went back to parklane and dotAed one more time before going home. well at least it wasn't a bad lan day..although lester kept on murdering my medusa.. but i learnt that stygian DOES SO NOT go together with medusa. and neither does skadi. should have bought heart. ANYWAY. for people who did not understand the last paragraph, IT'S PERFECTLY OK. don't start wondering where hearts and medusas and stygians come in..it's just in game lingo. and well. :):) i'm quite happy with the fact that my all random luck so far has been not bad. with the exception of getting the drow ranger, i'm not too sure about agility heroes. but anyway. having played so many strength based heroes, i think i can ascertain what are the best things to get for them. :)

anyway. this entry is starting to descend into ramblings. so yeah i shall stop here.

the day after oral presentation

2005-11-08T12:26:00.000-08:00

haha. i'm actually pretty relieved that the oral presentation is over.
i'm now at cy's house blogging. and maybe i'd just go and play FF later LOL.
and i think i know now what's wrong with my internet.
my network adapter has a problem! ughugh. which i think will cripple my internet all the way until like mid november? that's not good cos i want to know my S paper application. =X=X
hmm. i'd probably spend lots of time at the library borrowing books or something since my internet is down and i can't play dota.
sigh. not much i can blog now, can I.
just want to apologise to my group members xy wanlin tina and yy if i'd given them much ado over nothing. sorry yup :)
yeah. later. ciao.

before OP

2005-11-06T16:04:00.000-08:00

ugh. i'm blogging from the comfort of wanlin's house right now. LOL
my internet is STILL in limbo so yeah i have no choice but to be some despo and use other people's internet. :(
umm basically we're there for some PW OP presentation rehearsal.yupyup.
anyway. it's been aeons since i last touched blogger.
sigh. i don't understand honestly. after slogging our guts out for like goodness knows how long.. i sort of expected some sort of cheng jiu gan. but all i feel is indifference. and it's so weird. and i don't even feel relieved that it's going to be over, it's just like a lisuodangran de shi.
anyway, it's probably from some hangover emotional effect. it's quite shocking for find out that one of your friends is definitely going to get retained. and of all people, the last person you'd expect to get retained would be retained. sigh. and apparently YJ has a policy of no-repromo. which is kind of unfair when you think of it because like the point of repromos is to try to get as many students who did not manage to get promoted to J2. but apparently, according to sl, he says that yj wants to retain their value added, so that's why they are trying to trim and eliminate the students who cannot qualify for j2. i can understand the point of view of the school, but to the student, i find its very unfair.
oh yes. and the stupid furore about xiaxue's post is really uncalled for. hello, aren't we supposed to be a civilised society as well as an intelligent one? if everyone tried to impose his or her views onto everyone else, then where would diversity of opinions come in? every individual has a different way of viewing the world actually, it would be barbaric to try to impose one's view onto another person. and besides, we are all entitled to our own free opinion, why should you want to force your view onto me? and also, speaking of civilised society, we should all learn to embrace all other people's opinions. please do not try to criticise people just in the heat of the moment unless you really really mean it. and don't delude yourself by pretending to be some zealot, championing the lost causes of the oppressed. it's hypocritical and it shows how intolerant of people you are. of course, i don't claim to be a very tolerant person, but i mean everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes.
ugh. i'm pretty tired now and i'm craving secret recipe. LOL.
i can't wait for 2mr to be over. :))

ugh.

2005-10-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

damnit. if not for the fact that my internet is still screwedup..i WOULDN'T BE BLOGGING IN SCHOOL IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! =X
anw. school SUCKS. it's getting so boring after promos. i mean who has the desire or want to continue mugging next year's syllabus??
eeyer. anyway, rachie.. what's the twit site again? i needta go and laugh like a crazy nutcase at the bimbotixx stuffx thatx eu theenk ish v. cutexxxy lorhxxxz.
ugh. 2mr is OP dry run and like. it's damn gross lorh.
although like, i don mind speaking in front of a whole group of people.. but i find it's really pointless to present stuff?
i mean, (no insults to my PW grp), but i don think that anyone would have the tenacity and the endurance to listen to why elderly should do DDR in their free time. ok that was a horrible exaggeration.
sigh. it's gonna be really sad for econs next year cos mr vadi is teaching 1so3s. initially i din really get the hint. but when yams went.." oH!! we're 2s03s next year!!" then we realised the significance of the statement.
oh man.. and mr lee is also tentatively leaving our class too.. i think it's so unfair.. why are all the teachers leaving us now?? and to add insult to injury, next year is a SUPER important year lah..and if teachers whom we respect and like leave..and new teachers whom we may hate or dislike come in..how then will we have the motivation to actually study for A levels? i mean, it IS important that one likes a teacher..cos the teacher makes the subject interesting. umm. just to deviate, lecturers are quite disgusting sometimes. so it's NOT lecturers which makes the subject interesting.
and minghao just said some omg DUHHH statement. "do you really like vadi?" LIKE. DUH X 10 power million? =X
anw. back to pw. ciao.

internet connection screwup

2005-10-20T17:26:00.000-07:00

hmm. i realised the last post i have was the one before my internet conveniently chose to screw up just when i really WANT to use it.
ARG. and also, it's such a bloody pain to not have an internet connection.
cos i somehow just realised how important it is to have an internet connection lor.
especially for pw, i can't send a powerpoint presentation by magic right?
too unbelievable for words LOL.
and i have a lot of stuff to put up once i get my internet connection.. i think 3 posts of goodness knows how long?
btw, i'm using someone else's computer..if not i'd never be able to blog and check mail and watch my mailbox go kaboom.
hmm. went to watch flight plan today. although the plot was rather unbelievable..
the acting was not bad. honest.
and right now... umm. i'm desperately thinking of things to do as well as where the financial backing for these activities is coming in.
really strange isn't it.. that an econs student can't keep track of his own money matters.
anyway, that's not the point.
i confess, i do feel tinges and surges of envy everytime a classmate or a fren can afford to spend money like there's no tomorrow.. eating at ding tai fung, crystal jade,pastamania,cafe cartel.. the list just goes on and on and on. and all i can do is either a) choose the cheapest item on the menu OR b) not eating anything OR c) survive on a drink alone. q sad right. anyway i'm not looking for pity cos of this. no point feeling sorry for me cos i can't eat lavish and luxurious stuff. haha.
ok. i guess i'm not talking properly.. and it is probably nonsense that's being translated into words, so yup. ciao.

end of promos.

2005-10-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

i feel very drained.
normally at the end of exams i'd have sort of like felt more elated, slightly more cheerful.
but today. i'm just tired.
i don't feel like enjoying anything.
mentally drained.
byebye.

(oh did i mention that pepper lunch at taka has nice food?)

2005-10-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

corpse bride brought back the memory of someone telling me..or did i read it?..that butterflies are actually souls of the dead that come back.
anyway, it's quite a good show. people go watch it!
well.. firstly i must admit that today isn't the last day of papers for me. but i admit i wanted to go watch it so.. haha after maths paper..which is as usual, draining and tiring and grr...
went to j8 for lunch with samuel mingjuan farah yy clare elsie and andrea..macs again. yuckyuck. but when you're on a budget and food court food is utterly disgusting, well... the closest substitute would be something unhealthy yet MORE tasty.
clare was pretty amusing with her food. ok fine she was removing tomatoes in a very. interesting way. :)
then junwee mango lester xinling chengleng and christie came.
so yeah debated a while where to go before leaving.. like isn't that what happens in big groups? anyway that's so not the point.
yeah la the rest is hist actually. went to watch corpse bride and came home and now i'm slacking when i should be looking thru econs. =X=X
well. i guess i should write a proper entry one day..but not today cos of econs 2mr.
all the best to all econs people 2mr!

double trouble.

2005-10-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

whoa. finally today is almost over.
and my bio and econs are over.
yay. at least 2mr's just maths, and i dun really need to stress over maths.
sigh. but i do know that i really hope to take econs S.
hopefully my points all make sense.
and i hope i din screw my essay up too bad.
gosh la i totally forgot the 4 assumptions of the MRP theory and was crapping my way thru part a.
then for part b i had no time to put in the wage differentials. stupid monopsony and trade union and bilateral monopoly. and i forgot the definition of trade union as well. acckkk.
anyway. it's over. i pray that i can get my econs S.
and bio was a tragedy.
haiz. honestly i din expect it to be only like. 2 hours?
and there's 3 essays, 5 structured, and 30 mcq? like wtbh?
then i was just totally rushing through la. sickeninnnnggg.
i spent 20 mins on mcq cause i was so worried that i couldn't finish the bloody paper.
but eventually, i din finish cos i was thinking of what to write to section B.
wah lau the section B is SIAO. i was like. o_0 when i saw the qns.. cos it's so application and i was so shocked. sigh sigh sigh. nevermind. it's over.
and deng cui wen is so pretty as ru fei...
anyway that was really random.

sigh. bali has been bombed again.
it's such a feeling of deja vu. cos i remember reading the papers in sec 2. and the headlines screamed sthg abt the same thing. and yeah it happened again.
it's actually a blame game that's going on.
after all, in this battle, no one is truly right or truly wrong.
it's the perception that matters. but what's the point of senseless carnage?
after all, innocents get hurt, and although i don't condone the terrorists, i feel that it's not their fault that they were driven to this. the powers of brainwashing are very great. especially if from a young age, the person was force fed with poison against their enemies. and it seems that westerners are the targets of the terrorists.
i guess perhaps the problem was worsened by the current administration. the pointless war against iraq when there was obviously no WMD involved..of course detractors can argue that saddam could have destroyed them before bush came but..the point here is that killings and slayings are still occuring. even afghanistan. what good came of the invasion? the sad fact that the country, devastated enough by the taliban, was devasted further by the war.
perhaps i sound very stupid saying all these, but the point is, by waging wars randomly, the administration is giving more chances for the terrorists to pick a bone with them. they can always argue that the americans are trying to poke their noses into everyone's affairs.
anyway. i'm pretty much talking nonsense here.
just that i'm really sad with the state of affairs that the world is in.

disappointment.

2005-10-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

i'm crushed by the thought that chem S is now officially lost from my grasp already.
sigh. after all that effort put in summore..
just had to get mental blocks everywhere along the paper.
damnit.
ok. i will probably recover in a few weeks time about my oh-my-gosh pathetic results but.
aiyah. right now..
it sucks.

gargh.

2005-09-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

i totally abhor the first day after a paper.
i'm just in no mood to study after GP. which was a really really disgusting paper.
don talk about it. grr. i think i'm probably gonna just pass it or something. anyway.
(don't trust what i say regarding my results. i always predict the worst for everything.)
anyway. the thought of having chem on monday and THEN bio AND econs on wednesday is just.
SCARY.
sigh. and to think that i haven't covered so much for bio. eek.
and i forgot my cell bio just like i knew i would. and photosynthesis and respiration seem so distant..biomolecules? what's that? ... transport in mammals?? erm... transport across membranes?? mitosis meiosis? inherited change? DNA? argh. seems like i'm studying a foreign subject.
sighsighsigh. nevermind. i shall not remind myself how much i have left to study. if not i'd end up demoralising myself all over again. not to mention market failure for econs, of which i TOTALLY DO NOT understand. courtesy of some bimbotic lecturers. GAAHH.
hmm. i wonder how the lit people did for their PC today.
oh well. somehow my thought processes have stalled for the time being. as bio and chem and econs have temporarily flooded the neurons in the brain.
but one thing's for sure. no one person is purely good or purely bad. and sometimes i express disbelief at people who can claim that they are pure and innocent. (no insults meant joan). becos the only pure and innocent individuals are BABIES. not toddlers, not teenagers, not children, not adults. ok perhaps i have warped reasoning, but the only way one can be pure and innocent is to be unknowing of the world. i mean, babies live in their own world. it is only as one grows that he/she is connected to the real world and leave their fantasy worlds behind. and through entering the real world, one realises that the illusion of a perfect world is shattered to bits. how then can one claim to be innocent? and if you watch jin zhi yu nie. (gosh i must be really enamoured by that show) you'd realise that pure and innocent is just a facade. who knows what really goes on beneath that pure and innocent exterior? a cold and frozen heart which is capable of the most vicious plots? or the fear of revealing whom you really are?

sigh. what am i talking about anyway?

and btw. the blogger controversy is really damn stupid.
i don't understand why people are making mountains of such molehills.
and i believe people are discerning enough to make PROPER conclusions.
i don't think it's right that people can infer so much from such simple stuff and accuse the text of being pro homosexual, pro this pro that anti this anti that when it's quite obvious that the author does not have such intention. what is this world coming to? or are we anxious to protect something they believe in? or are we just anti anything which is contradictory to our beliefs?
it's really disgusting when ppl WANT to impose their will onto others and in the end throw some bitchy tantrum when they aren't able to or think that it contradicts their OWN mentality.
for god's sake. GROW UP. i mean like, people are entitled to whatever they want to say you know? and even if racist comments are posted up there, i believe that individuals will exercise personal judgement and not listen to whatever these people want to say! i mean after all, if you don't like it, click the X button on top of the browser! no one is forcing you to read it you know? you have a choice..provided you are some kaypoh who wants to read such blogs and throw your 2-cents worth..which is not worth much anyway.. for the writer to see and read, and in your warped brain, repent and beg your forgiveness. excuseme. PLEASE. why would anyone REPENT cos of YOU? sheesh.
and also, the teacher thing.
if students write something bad about you, DUH it means there's something wrong with the way you teach right? of cos, it could be GREATLY EXAGGERATED. of this i have no doubt. becos when i criticise teachers too, i'm in a fiery mood and have no intention of putting such "niceties" across in a sweet gentle and demure way. ok yeah i know that reading disgusting stuff about yourself is rather painful. but the point here is that you can learn from your mistakes and change.
i shall not elaborate. or i might get sued, hauled to court, accused of defamation, ETC ETC.
anyway. whatever la. i mean, if you think i've insulted you, REMEMBER. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU CHOSE TO READ WHATEVER I WRITE. UNDERSTAND? SO SUE ME IF YOU HAVE TO. AND IF YOU'E THAT IMMATURE, WE CAN ALSO START A SUING CULTURE IN SINGAPORE. I'M SURE YOU'D WANT THAT RIGHT? whatever.

mugging madness.

2005-09-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

sigh. mugging is driving me crazy. if not for the respite i get from taking a break once in a while to get something to eat or drink, i would have been pushed over the edge of sanity. not that i'm not about to, come to to think of it, given the sanity level of my mind now..just a slight push is all that will tip me into the brink of insanity.
anyway, i shall not dwell on the unhappy and tormenting aspects of mugging. it's just pure torture to be made, against one's will to sit down at some obscure table in some lost room somewhere just to be forced to study.. or forever wallow in the pit titled: retainee.
but that's not the point, given the calibre of students of the said raffles junior college..whom are supposed to pull 4As out of a magic hat like it's no big deal to them.
for the sake of that magical 4As.. i guess i must really really work hard.
i'm praying for the ability to perfectly memorise every single detail for bio so that i won't be stumped/shocked/befuddled/confounded by all the MCQs and the structured thrown my way. it would be totally devastating if at the exam venue i received an unwarranted mental block. or worse, remember the wrong facts.. for example, mixing up my purines and pyrimidines, and mixing the krebs cycle up with the calvin cycle. or the ultimate of them all, writing about gene loci when i should be describing alleles. oh gosh.
i have a feeling that the paper will be very tough even though i know i will be more or less prepared for it. but i mean, everyone does get that jittery feeling that somehow you've written something wrongly, not put in some point, or forgot a minute detail which might have cost you that one mark. anyway. the pain of studying for exams when one can lose oneself in more delighful activities.
on a happier note, i managed to rid myself of almost all undue stress thanks to the DDR machine. so i'm more or less ready now to study like a siao gina all the way for the 3 days of study break.
and just to sidetrack, i'm helping carolyn and caiping get their work into order. how cool is that now. X)
anyway. gtg. jin zhi yu nie beckons :)

promos.

2005-09-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

migraine i swear is killing me. my brains are in so much pain everyday, i really have no idea when i can actually think straight.
it's like a pulsing throb which seems to reverberate as blood is pumped through the veins.
and honestly. it's damn painful and i almost blacked out on my way out of school today..
crazy man.. what's wrong with me.
stupid migraine which hits me at the wrong time. >.<

kaypohkaypoh.

2005-09-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

i swear i must the world's most irritating kaypoh =X
so kaypoh that i was wondering what felix and faye were talking about regarding sikhs and xinling..then realised that both of them did the same article for EOM. like how oops can that get.
then xinling was so depressed and stuff..
oh wells. haha :) i shall not say what i did. don want to attract too much attention for no reason and anyway, it's pretty shameless to show off something you did right?
i swear, a cold shower rocks. refreshes your senses totally.
after mugging today with xl and chengleng..elsie left earlier..i was half asleep on the bus.
as in, imagine a zombie walking into TP bus interchange. wearing RJ uniform, carrying blue sling bag and a grey file. that would most likely be me, only thing is that i don't have a craving for warm human flesh. ok this is getting morbid..but i'm sure yy would love it.
then of course, looked at the time and almost died of horror.
well for a tv freak like me who keeps on following drama serials religiously..
i guess it's normal cos at 7 pm there's jewel in the palace a.ka. 大长今 and war and beauty a.ka. 金枝玉孽. anyway, i'm banking on the fact that they will rerun 大长今 at 10 pm someday..so yeah. or else i'd just borrow it.
anyway, i'm hopelessly hooked onto 金枝玉孽. goodness knows why la. perhaps i find sheren tang's 如妃 a very interesting character. she's so calm, cool, collected and efficient(she's quite pretty too.). plus there's something about her that suggests that there is more to 如妃 than meets the eye. maggie cheung's 安茜 is a very eloquent character who tries her best to protect the other palace ladies from getting on the wrong end of 如妃..gigi lai's 玉莹 is a classic example of a behind an innocent exterior lies an evil heart. and finally, charmaine sheh's 尔淳 is the politically correct one who hides her intentions to the best of her capabilities, never letting slip anything, and she's pretty much an ice queen who plots excellently. conclusion, it's a really excellent show. and it makes you think a lot too. and it provides a lot of depth for the characters as well. unlike most productions where the good guy is always good etc etc .. this is not always true in 金枝玉孽. anyway, i'm still watching halfway, and so i'm not too sure about what the individual characters are like. maybe at the end i'd finally realise that my initial perceptions were wrong. and the hanky.. haha people who watch this show will understand what i'm talking about :)
gosh. i just gushed about 金枝玉孽.. ok fine. it's just such an impactful show. :)

anyway, was remembering some convo with yams which suddenly became something like.
yams:" i don like rainy days!"
me:" i like rainy days!"
somehow i find rainy days sort of romantic in a sad sense.
ok. i am just blabbering nonsense. mugging for promos must have totally fried my brain. =X

touched by an angel.

2005-09-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

there's nothing that makes your day that knowing that you make a difference in someone's life.
the feeling of bliss is really indescribable.
and the satisfaction you derive from knowing that with your help, the person you help is actually motivated to do better and to put in more effort.. it seriously beats scoring 9 or 10 A1s for the O levels.
there's something in knowing that you helped this person to achieve such stellar results that makes you feel a warm and tingly sensation.
anyway. to this person: thanks for letting me help you with your Os.

perhaps i should consider going into teaching. X)

nuts.nuts.nuts.

2005-09-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

basically, everything's driving me nuts. it's just 2 weeks to the promos for me, discounting GP, and i realised that there's about a million things i don't understand abt certain topics like ionic equilibria, wage determination, goverment intervention, etc.etc.etc. and chem is extremely mad. chemical equilibria was easy.
ionic equilibria is just plain crazy. ok perhaps the calculation of pH and pOH is easy, but when it comes to buffer solutions? titrations? hydronium and hydroxide ions must be taken into account when it comes to any titration NOT involving a strong acid and base. and like, the calculation is extremely demoralising. >.<
i'm still on a question in the ionic equilibria..been working on it since yesterdat, when i flipped through the notes today and realised that a buffer solution of ammonium chloride and ammonia is basic. >.<
how intelligent eh. and there i was frantically trying to rework until i got an acidic pH.
gosh. i should just go and die. =X
ok. shall not talk about such ridiculous stuff..if not people will go even more crazy when they read a whole portion of it.

went back to school this morning for econs. and after barely sleeping more than 5 hours again.. ok i admit it was my fault for getting so hooked onto jing zhi yu nie..but oh well. it's a nice show.
so after the 9 am mark, i was in stone land. basically, i din catch whatever he was trying to say.
which translate to. ivan.you.are.so.dead.
after that, went to the 3rd level to study. the benches there are so conducive to studying, i swear. with the fan, it was just so cooling and the amount of illumination was just right..and it was so quiet too. :) i like. after trying to work out some example in the notes, and ultimately failing in the end to get the answer, went to ps to meet my mum at cafe cartel for breakfast. for 6.95, it's not too bad. but i wish the hash brown wasn't so overfried it was greasy. and the bacon was a lil too fat. but the pancake was not bad la.

oh yes. i kind of realised that somehow my mind did not process the important stuff which happened this week. like spa. oh gosh la. that spa was really, honestly, purely gross. i kinda realised that you're not supposed to swirl the bloody mixture after the first swirl. and i kept on swirling it. until the 6th minute, when i realised that it was written in the instructions. ARGH. ARGH. then when i wanted to redo the stupid experiment, time was up. and i swear arh. gosh i think i'm gonna screw this stupid spa up again. just like i did my skill A. argh. but aiyah. what to do. blame my carelessness all over again. but if there's any consolation, i don't have to do skill B ever again for chem.

anyway, i'm kinda indifferent nowadays, i realised. i don't think i'm hankering after everyone's approval anymore, just like what i tried to do for the whole of last year. and probably the first few months in rj? i mean, it's not that important to me. ru guo wo men tan de lai, jiu shi ying wei wo men de ba zi bu hui you jiu fen. so yeah, i prefer to think of it that way. and stop thinking about what this person thinks of me. honestly, i think it's such a waste of time this way. cos it sort of distracts you from the task at hand and you end up contemplating whether this person thinks you're an ass or something else..which is honestly pretty stupid when you realise that there are more things in life than getting people to approve of you. as long as you have a fren who appreciates you for who you are, that's when it all counts rather than having yourself shaped by what people expect and want you to be.

oh yeah. before i end this random blog entry,
i swear that it's super irritating to walk through crowded areas.
especially with a bag and a file.
and when you're trying your utmost best to navigate the terrain and not bump into people.
it's impossible.
when you're trying to navigate through the maze of mooncakes at takashimaya.
the atrium where all the mooncake makers are present to show off their wares.
in the end i just gave up trying to be si wen and just shove my way through. =X
which was the most effective, rather than get bumped around and getting super pissed by people who cannot walk properly, people who agglomerate like disease mutagens before getting engulfed into the white blood cell by phagocytosis. grr. the only reason which prevented me from really forcing my way through like a bull was that i was in school u. see the restrictions the white uniform imposes? then after that some FRIENDLY, UNDERSTANDING, CARING and KIND passerby would take it upon themselves to inform the school management that they should teach us more manners so that we will act like perfect gentlemen and ladies even in areas where activity is frantic and frazzling. PLEASE CAN.
and the most ridiculous part is, every year, i swear that i will not go back again. but when the next year comes, i end up reliving the trauma. gosh i swear i'm stupid. (and mooncakes are FATTENING.)

haha. back to revision i guess.

to the three people turning 17 this week:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CHENGLENG!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FIONA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY!

burning out.

2005-09-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

can i say i'm fucking pissed with PW?
the last few nights i have been doing the retarded report, while trying to not think of mitochondria and equilibria and complex numbers at the same time.. and inevitably failing. sometimes while typing, and rechecking, i have accidentally typed key words such as oxaloacetate, argand diagram, phosphorylation,matrix. what the hell!
anyway. i thought i was going to have a break tonight to DECENTLY study ionic equilibria..which is such a cheem topic and complicated and befuddling and confusing.
then at 9.30, when i picked up my notes to flip to Kw, the ionic product of water, wanlin called me in a state of utter distress over the WR.
couldn't really blame her, cos she had been working on the bloody useless pile of nonsense for at least 5 hours. and she had edited quite a lot. so i offered to do it for her. since i have the report on my own. and now. i've just finished the editing, i hope i remember to bring it 2mr. if not. i will just go and commit suicide.
damn the stupid subject.
sometimes i wonder if MOE is really THAT free. like, thanks for torturing us yah.
. thanks arh. i really appreciate the lack of time which is compounded thanks to retarded projects which are sadly being tested on the students.
do you all really LOVE marking PIs, EOMs, WR, and wasting time just to sit thru an OP?
or do you all have nothing better to do? damnit la. JC life is hectic enough as it is already, thanks a lot really for compounding our troubles and magnifying them to abnormal levels.
sheesh. and couple that with promos. walking time bomb waiting to explode. sheesh sheesh shessh.
what a bloody sickening world we actually live in. =(

stuff.

2005-09-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

was just thinking about what chin hua said.
" the death of millions is just a statistic."
probably this sums up my indifference towards hurricane katrina, which devastated new orleans, leaving dunno goodness knows many people dead..as well the recent body parts murder.
my mum jokingly said..erm i have no idea whether it was jokingly or not.. " seems like the in-thing to do when you murder someone." but honestly. it's really unnerving to have normal people murdering other normal people and then butchering them up. so..appealing in a sick and perverse sort of way. perhaps i am a closet psychopath. people beware in case i suddenly bring a parang to school and start butchering ppl. ok. that's extremely farfetched.
anyway. been quite unproductive since friday after watching the cave. i swear. that show utter sucks. it's not even original. it's like anaconda meets resident evil 2. and the effects were LAME. but the landscape was good. and the story really sucks as well. and i was so expecting a scarefest. >.< don't watch it. i'm honest. it's utterly nonsensical and it was such a freaking waste of 8 dollars.. where i could have watched napola:hitler's elite. seems like i'm in a metarmorphosis stage whereby i'm no longer that keen on watching cliched monster flicks/chick flicks/whatever flicks. seems that i'm gravitating towards rom coms..sad stories..GP-ish films..i confess. i'm weird. =X
anyway. went mugging with shenglong and his cell mates.. carolyn and charise. i think i spelt the names correctly. i hope. quite productive. actually not really that productive. taught carolyn circles and angles. haha i love that topic a lot in e maths. so that's why i was more than willing to teach her.
overall, i'm feeling really contented now. somehow, you just get the feeling of content when someone actually appreciates the effort you put in, no? haha. hope this feeling of bliss will last.
actually, school starts 2mr. haha. i'm utterly and totally dreading it please. haiz haiz haiz.
anyway. update next time. nitey!

feeling of hate.

2005-09-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

was listening to the radio yesterday when i heard this story.
X and Y were a couple already. then X introduced Y, her boyfren, to her best fren, Z.
apparently Z and Y hit it off really well.. much better than Y and X, in fact.
eventually, when X confronted both Y and Z after a period of time, she got the shocking revelation that Y and Z were actually dating behind her back.

my first reaction was. WHAT THE HELL? yi jiao ta liang chuan..
then my second reaction was. WHY THE HELL DID THEY HOOK UP WITH EACH OTHER?
like, Z already knows her fren is attached, then she still tried to ensnare Y.. and Y also.. couldn't resist the temptation of screwing another girl on the sideline..gosh. i sound like a girl. =X
totally threw my study momentum off course la. it's so disgusting.. can you imagine ur best fren stealing ur girlfren? and ur girlfren doesn't tell you that she's going steady with him..or hints that she wants a breakup..then you find it out when you confront both of them? gosh man.. if it were me i'd probably slap the girl and punch the guy. it's not just whether they are going out together, the point is that instead of keeping ur hand off her..or ur hands off him.. you chose to let yourself go with the flow instead of thinking whether it is right or wrong to do that.. not that i'm in support of the other party as well. after all, it takes two hands to clap right? if the girlfren/boyfren in question resisted the attraction, the liaison would not have occured and no sparks would have occured between both of them. and by doing so, i guess they never thought of the consequences.. only that "we love each other, come hell or high water, and to hell with the future and whatever". like. we'll see about that another 5 years down the road. and the most important of them all.. is the stead's reaction. gosh. darn it. its just too. shameless la. intolerable. it's sending a signal to onlookers that you want to enjoy new pastures while keeping the old. like what the hell? it doesn't work that way in relationships nowadays cos NO ONE would want to be the suffering wife while the husband goes and fools arnd with other women OPENLY and yet the suffering wife dares not divorce the husband as she is financially dependent on him.
ok crap i have no idea why i got so worked up over this.. must be all that studying that's causing my mind to go bonkers.
haiz. bio bio bio bio.

gringrin.

2005-09-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

i'm quite pleased with the amount of stuff i've covered so far for revision. yeah i know i know.. people probably are like doing their second rounds and stuff..=X well for not so kan cheong people like me..haha..
mugged with huey eng vanda and weiling on mon.. at amk macs..honestly.. we managed to accomplish stuff ok. :) met davis with his classmate. who was from aj incidentally.. and the best part was he NEVER NOTICED ME. LOL.. i dinno i was that inconspicuous or sthg.. hahaha quite funny.. then met him again when we were going home. =) and at least this time he noticed me..
mugged with huey eng vanda and alex today at amk lib. haha oh wells.. mercilessly teasing alex about red cloud mountain. haha and i still think he catch no ball X) saw liying there too..
quite contented. with the amount of stuff i covered..and i understand vectors better now. =)
and i finished transport across cell membrane and cell structure..at least the organelles.. for chem i've done the chapters up to chem bonding..and wah lao the revision questions for stoichiometry are really killer pls.. spent like half an hour scratching my head before managing to solve all three..this is BADD. as for maths.. hmm. effectively finished transformations and graphs, AP GP, functions,summation, MI, vectors, trigo 1, trigo 3, and log indices and surds. hmm. not too bad.. but econs = nothing done. argh argh argh.
i must shi xian my goal of 2 S Papers! haha.
and also. 金枝玉孽 started! yay something else to watch after 大长今。 haha i find the quote " 男人统治天下，女人统治男人。" very interesting.. basically, women also rule the world eh. X) haha.

omens,premonitions,retribution

2005-09-05T00:58:00.000-07:00

went out today to buy some stuff..ended up running all over the place from esplanade to bras basah to orchard to chinatown. and half the time i was on buses with tv mobile. and EVERYTIME, just as i got on the bus, superstar would be on rerun, and the singer would be weilian. like wth. i din want to listen to weilian cos honestly, i was really really bored with his ballads and what not and sentimental songs .. or maybe i was sianded cos it was the last 2 songs which were his WORST and which din touch me. perhaps i have a heart of ice but whatever. somehow it seems to be some sort of indication to say that weilian is the superstar. LIKE DUH. like i am disputing it or sthg. sheesh. sigh.but really, i still think that kelly is better cos she is more versatile den weilian..and hence she can sing more genres and is thus more marketable.
anyway. superstar is already a closed topic and hence it would be really silly to bring it up again. X_X. but i still think that junyang and sin huey should have been the ones competing. grrr.

and i can't help feeling that hurricane katrina, which struck the new orleans in the usa on aug 30.. or was it 29? can't really rmb, is retribution. retribution for what the US did to iraq and afghanistan. for messing up countries. for meddling in affairs which they should not have meddled in. oh wells. i'm really tired. ciao.

bitchy bitchy.

2005-09-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

sigh. i seem like some depressed pms-y guy.. which sounds really really wrong if you think about it.. but whatever la. sigh. if only all my problems could be solved with a snap of my fingers.
and i realised that since i put under hates, hypocrites..
i hate myself.
which is true indefinitely.
but i don't understand why it's wrong to hate yourself.
enlighten me someone?
bye.

stuff.

2005-09-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

was just talking to alex over msn.. when he suddenly mentioned sthg abt a particular school, which i would rather keep anonymous than get mauled.
something about them being very delusional.. and he substantiated his statement with the fact that they wait in vain for a handsome, hunky, muscular ( substitute any adjective for your ideal dream guy ) RICH prince charming to sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after in a castle. haha perhaps i'm a lil to exaggerated, but doesn't it sound so fairytale-ish when someone mentions prince charming riding up to some tall prison tower and rescuing some rapunzel, cinderella, snow white ( insert name of princess )? oh well. i've commented on this issue before, if i don't remember wrongly.. haha.
then somehow it went into economic analysis whereby demand for rich guys exceeds supply, and furthermore, supply inelastic summore.. LOL.. see what studying has done to our poor brains.. fried them to the point where we start conversing in economic terms. LOL.
anw, glad for alex that he's feeling better, and much happier, and solved his niggling problem which has been bothering him for ages.
but hey, it's not true that rafflesians are bitter ppl. just cos i am doesn't mean they all are.
oh wells. and i made an important self discovery today. i'm starting to get more unfeeling towards hateful and hurtful comments thrown at me by annoying people who treat me like a maid at home, or make me do some stuff which i have no intention of doing. thank goodness for that. it wouldn't bode well if 2 parties at home just scream like crazy at each other. so yeah. it's just as well i keep it inside and not blow up like crazy. besides, i don't want to ruin my really happy mood which has carried over from yesterday by getting mad and annoyed and irritated at people. so yeah. haha. it's just something i'm feeling really thankful for. :)
and finally superstar. ok i admit i was really disappointed in the results. cos i wanted kelly to win. my definition of a superstar is someone who can sing, can capture the hearts and imaginations and attentions of audience, and above all, have the x-factor. and i think that kelly has it more than weilian. i mean, yeah weilian has a physical disability, and we must all applaud him for winning superstar, but reality is harsh and cruel. in singapore, we might support weilian, but the point is that, if we decide to promote him overseas, will he be able to capture the hearts of people in other countries? and we might have to becos of the limited market size we have here in singapore. and as for the x-factor, i honestly think weilian has none. yeah and weilian fans are gonna kill me for saying it. but really, think about it, he's already hampered in a sense that his stage presence is limited to standing there and singing. not prancing about with bursts of energy. and also, he's really strong in ballads.. but not that strong in other genres. so that may also be a disadvantage which might work against him. hmm. oh well. to each his own i guess. but i think that junyang and sin huey should be standing on today's stage more than kelly and weilian. and did i mention that sin huey looks really really good today? :)
anyway, to everyone studying for promos, good luck for mugging! :)

teacher's day celebrations.

2005-08-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling really blissful today. which for me is a rare occurence..but nevermind.
went back to sji today. and conveniently forgot to get presents for the teachers..very retarded action which is what i'm capable of.
come to think of it, does my hesitance to leave rj to go to sji mean something?
cos i was thinking about it all the way home. am i finally feeling some attachment to the teachers in this school i am in now? after all, i remind myself constantly that friends in rj will always be a bonus for me, not a definitive variable, cos i came here for the teachers and that was my primary reason for leaving aj.
or perhaps, i'm feeling an attachment to this school? so many questions at one go.
would it be hypocritical to say that i din want to leave before the cake, but becos of peer pressure.. i admit this time i was afraid of going back to sji alone..i left school? yeah i guess it does sound like a hypocrite..haha. have to make it up next year i guess..but i'd probably forget the promise..better record it down.
anyway, managed to catch the start of the upper sec concert for tcher's day. haha actually after much evaluation, i think that rj's one was total nonsense becos of the sound system. good acoustics in the performing venue contributes to the success of the performance. cos i felt that the music was a lil too loud..and the system had lots of static..which was really OUCH to my ears. considering the fact that i listen to loud music according to mel the bell, hmm..sji's pac has a larger sitting capacity, so that's why we always have performances there. so that's why i thought sji's one was better :) but come to think of it, i think that rj's performances were not bad.. poor mr ng tho.. that dance was a lil unnatural for him to do..so retro! but it looked really fun.. and the parody of the western stall..haha, priceless.
i kind of miss performing on stage..but that's a different story.
after that, went to see tchers.. and miss ong is pregnant! congrats miss ong!! :) then mr poon has more white hair..must be the stress of being a SH. or was it HOD? and guess what...*prepares to get all shameless* all the teachers who taught 403 MISS US LEHHH!! haha probably cos we're too siao and unique already.. :)
wanted to go celebrate zippy's birthday. but. he had sthg on.. nevermind shall try to make up to him someway or another. in seoul garden.. i swear.. ohmygod.. haha edwyn's graphic and racist descriptions arh.. my goshh.. very. attention grabbing i swear. oops. then the bouncing fishballs which bounced everywhere.. oh well.. lunch at seoul garden with guys is always like that. :) cos we probably do something crazy like fry ice cream, boil ice, boil meat, grill sausages.. and try to fry an egg there. :X
went to ps play percussion master.. omg i swear.. i think i'm damn good for a first timer! haha managed to beat edwyn lehhhhh:) on normal summore and my hand eye coordination is ONLY good for para para. :) went home.. and here i am now, watching da chang jin.

oh yes. did i mention the number of people i met at orchard?

seoul garden: xu ming ( my aj og), sam and ofelia frm 3H.
opposite crown prince: yii wen (technically, it wasn't a meet cos we were on opposite sides.)
at heeren: hannah (joel's classmate) and xy.

which for me. is really a lot a lot. :)
cos. i'm never that lucky to meet ppl. unless by coincidence. :)
and we went to heeren to take neoprints. X_X
I SWEAR, NEVER EVER TAKE NEOPRINTS W/O GIRLS.
REALLY REALLY. cos the neoprints we took turned out like. really. OMG OMG OMG!
as compared to those with 1805 that is.
alright. off to a well deserved 11 day of holiday cum mugging. :)

lalalalas.

2005-08-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

suddenly the thought dawned on me that 2mr is teacher's day celebration.
one year has passed in such a flash. that one year ago.. i remember 403 was still rehearsing for the tcher's day performance.. then now. one year on. we graduated and went our separate ways.
i'm definitely going back to sji 2mr. must say thank you to miss ong and mr poon mah. =X
and i'm still considering to pon or not to pon 2mr. hmmz.

anyway. bio extra lect yesterday was really really funny.
NOT THE LECT. but the rest periods and the chengleng moments.
haha only people who went yesterday will understand. =X
and honestly.
thank you mr tan chengleng for doing what you did yesterday and making all of us laugh like crazy people and keeping us awake. cos i'm pretty sure elsie was slipping into lala land..
and thank you clare for passing arnd the piece of paper for us to doodle on..was super amusing especially with the sadako climbing out of the tv and getting whacked by the hammer..and the LOTR version for the carrot man ..hoho..
and elsie too for supplying all the crazy jokes..

oh yes did i also mention that for no reason, sikhs and christie just burst out laughing like siao when mrs nair said something?
and xinling and minghao were arguing for no reason before the lect started..

after the lect, we ( chengleng christie sikhs mango xinling me lester ) stayed back and had a minor laughfest.. dinno that chinese tchers frm chinese high were that screwed up.. wahaha.. especially the one with the malaysian accent.. then xinling's chem tcher's seereenge.. basically we were just laughing and laughing and laughing like siao poks..
haha i think i prolly gained a few abs frm all tht laughing..=)

haha. oh well. if you don see me in sch 2mr.... X)

friday finally.

2005-08-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

oh my. i swear this week i've been so free that i've updated everyday. =X
when i should be studying for promos really. oh no.
oh well today was one of those days where 3s suffers an attendance deficit in lectures and attendance.. i think mel junwee chengleng wanjun din come today..and jeremy ponned econs lect..not that i should be saying this..haha =X then christie was really pale and ghostly the whole day.. minghao was being super irritating today..dunno why also..must be overload of stress..honestly, sometimes there's so much you can take before you slap the person. and i think elsie samuel and yams got really pissed with minghao. haiz. mango. nothing better to say dun say cos everyone's looking for an opportunity to shoot you..=X and pe was a lect. and tina xy mj samuel were not so conspicuously missing. =X wonder if there were more ppl missing...haha.
gee tnp was damn funny today.. must type the jokes out..haha :)

TAKEN FROM TNP FRIDAY 26/08/2005

"so you thought you were a tech idiot..."

Scenario one:

Customer A: I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer A: Yes, sure, nothing happens.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound too good.
Customer A: No.. wait a minute..i hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk.. sorry..

hoho. nice try.

Scenario 2:

Customer B: I can't print. Every time I try it says," Can't find printer." I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still can't find it.

er..computers have eyes?

Scenario 3:

Customer C: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time i move my mouse, it disappears!

LOL. screensavers are meant to disappear at the slightest disturbances..aren't they?

The Ultimate Scenario 4 which takes the cake.

Customer D: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer D: Ok.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer D: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

wahahaha. 'nuff said. :)

i swear, one should never read this on a crowded train.
cos i made a fool of myself by suddenly bursting out in giggles. =X

eom blues.

2005-08-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

sigh eom is driving me up the wall.
went to find ms poh today..and she said that i needed more analysis! acckk.
and i spent like how long doing it pls..
sheesh. and mr ng mistook me for a lit student! not just that..and he got my gender misunderstood too! anw, used to misunderstandings :)
actually, i really felt sorry for elsie..cos today during the mock conference, the consortium was being bombarded with questions from all the other groups.. then she was the only one answering.. basically she spent abt 2 hours talking nonstop...poor thing..
anyway. i guess. it's time for me to start thinking about the future and stop reminiscing about the past.
i have a strange feeling that it's cos i don't want to let go of the past which is why i can never continue moving forward.
oh well. i guess i'm talking nonsense again.
to hell with EOM and PW and all the trouble it brings. =X

2005-08-24T18:13:00.000-07:00

was carrying a footlong subway sandwich home.. and attracting a lot of attention. :(
and i swear that subway rocks. period.

on a more depressing note..
i really can't stand the situation at home anymore.
and i really don't feel like going to school anymore too.
i just feel so drained every morning.. it's a miracle i'm still standing and breathing and paying attention in lessons. it's not the number of hours you sleep you know, i've tried sleeping early and sleeping late.. but the effect is still the same.. you wake thinking.. oh damn it's a new day already.. then you drag ur tired self out of bed and walk, zombified, into the toilet to take a shower.
i mean, the problems i have at home are the kind which can't be easily solved, and the atmosphere at home is exactly like the USA and the Soviet Union before 1990.
sigh. if only every problem was as easy to solve as primary school addition and subtraction.. then perhaps i'd be rid of many problems...

what a sickeningly complicated world we live in.

irritating.

2005-08-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

i swear i could almost have died when i walked into my room when i came home frm sch.
the windows were wide open. and to make things worse, half my room was wet.
i was so freaking pissed please. i normally leave my windows closed, and someone opened it.
ok perhaps it was to ventilate my room la, and i'm really thankful that people are helping me to drive away the stuffiness... but i mean...people at home should have the decency to close all windows before they leave the house after all right?
and i was left to clean up the humongous mess of water and wet curtains and wet papers and wet study table. plus all the cardboard boxes and plastic containers littering the floor of my room. and the books which need to be dried. damnits damnits damnits.
ARGH. i swear, it took me 1 hour to dry up the pools and puddles of water.. and dry my poor papers. grr..and my other bag was wet too.. the converse one with the 4 badges and the bear.
plus my backpack. and i think my bed's wet too. good thing the com isn't in the room.
if not i would really punch the idiotic person who opened my room window.. or was it the one who DID NOT close it upon leaving the house? i think it's the latter and i swear, doing such stuff isn't gonna help my strained relationship with the person in particular.
haiz. and i just changed my bedsheets on saturday. my grandaunt is so gonna scream cos of the added amount of washing to do. acckk.
damnitdamnitdamnit. just when i thought i could come home and do a little revision for spa.
i'm stuck with doing what i did on sunday morning..cleaning up my room. but this time it's much much worse. *growls*

sianed.

2005-08-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

hoho. now i'm in school typing out a blog entry when it's SUPPOSED to be a pw period.
she just totally conveniently din come today. and she din bother to tell us.
damnits i wanted to show her my EOM today and get some improvement comments on it.
and i spent a hell lot of time yesterday nite just to finish the EOM.
or at least partially completed it. i only went to sleep at 4 am.
if i sound particularly whiny, sorry. i'm just really dead tired after sleeping only 2 hours and perhaps 10 mins on the taxi to school.
and i haven't completed corinna's birthday present too. args.
anyway, yesterday was really sianed and fun also.
quite an open contradiction but when you think about what happened yesterday..
haha.
went out to celebrate slutty's birthday with sl.
ok la actually we went to mug first, after which, tired and sianed and what not, we went to marina arcade to crazy the para para machine. cy decided that he wanted to try drummania..and oh well.. i shall not comment on the outcome. =X
after that went to ps pizza hut.. such sinful indulgence only happens when it's a fren's birthday :)
went to buy corinna's present at spotlight. =X and i still haven finished decorating it yet.. best thing, her birthday is like today. oops.
can't help it, was too tired last nite to even be bothered to do anything after sleeping at 4 last nite. ACCK.
arg. shall not add on..scarli tcher catch. but wait. she's nt here =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORINNA!

thoughts of the uninitiated.

2005-08-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

yet another school week has ended, and the promos are drawing closer day by day.
the amount of work to be done keeps on increasing exponentially.. so basically i'm just clambering out of a pile of hw into another pile which is more confusing and thicker.
accckkk. to make things worse, i don't feel like doing anything.
it's so much easier to procrastinate..and that's what i'm doing now. promos are drawing nearer, and i know if i don't buck up and start mugging like crazy for bio and chem and econs.. i know i won't be able to get what i wish. but it's so much easier to complain now isn't it. :P

anyway, i'm feeling quite contented today.
at least i know that there are people who actually care for me.
and that's all that really matters nowadays. :)
floorball today was really fun. perhaps it has to have sthg to do with the number of people being present.
and people, go watch da chang jin.

i sort of realised that the world is a dangerous and backstabbing place to live in.
a huge difference from all the stories about happyeverafter eh.
sigh. if only things weren't so complicated and inter-personal relationships were easier to forge and maintain.
oh well. it works both ways doesn't it. for a relationship to work it takes 2 hands to clap.
accckk.
so problematic and a while ago i was feeling contented sommore. *glares*

argh, some people just drive me up the wall.
the world doesn't revolve arnd you geddit?
don't ask me to do stuff for YOU then after that throw me aside like some used piece of tissue.
i don't tolerate it ok.
i don raise it up doesn't mean i don't mind it ok.
sickening idiots. aRGH.

happy 17th my dear slutty!

emotional rollercoaster.

2005-08-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

something's really wrong with my emotions lately.
i feel like i'm on some rollercoaster going in the wrong direction and which is so out of control..
yikes.
alright. i was watching yesterday's taped episode of da chang jin. urhm. aka. jewel in the palace.
then the part where lady zheng left the world.. involuntarily, tears just started trickling out of my eyes.
am i going haywire or what. never really had such a sudden and strong reaction to sad or touching scenes in movies and drama serials.
accckk. it's q weird!!! i guess it's the byproduct of stress.

just a shoutout tho.

bobby- cheer up ya. i guess it's pretty hard to have an environment where it's just girls + more girls. but there's always a better 2mr alright?

alex - promos are coming up soon...if u have any really really major problems or just problems alone.. i'm always here to listen to them..2 heads is always better than one right? and like it's best to purge them out if nt u'd nt be able to concentrate :)

that's it i guess.
just that i feel quite disconnected lately.
like i'm losing touch of everything that is important and just living life like a zombie..
and it feels like a haze which fully envelops me.. it's really quite a torture to plod thru invisible and treacherous paths of life especially when ur not ready to accept what's being thrown in your face.
it's just a phase i guess.

hoho. i just realised. ivan the hypocrite is asking people to be happy when he's wallowing in dark and depressing emotions. wow.

GASP.

2005-08-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

ohmygod. after looking at the promo timetable i'm just about trying to prevent myself from screaming out loud.
bio is with ECONS. WOW. 2 memory intensive subjects on one day! ACCCKKKSSS!
not that i didn't know about it already.. but i thought they'd change it!
grr.
how am i ever gonna take S paper for econs?!
i'd probably expend all my energy for bio and just die for econs.
and the poor lit people have chem with lit.
god la why must they have such spastic combinations of subjects on the same day? can't they spread it out? and on the LAST DAY, we have econs which is just 45 mins! ARGHHH!
damn gross la i have no desire whatsoever to come back at 8 am on a day where everyone is free JUST TO DO MCQs!
bleh. alright. sleep. nites.:)

a new template.

2005-08-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

i've changed my blog template. :)
finally found something appropriate for the moment.
sigh. too many doubts and queries just abound in my mind.
sometimes, i wish i din tink so much nor read too much into the actions of ppl.
just gives me nothing more but painful headaches.
i'm starting to scare myself nowadays because of the things i think whenever someone makes any action.
crap.
anyway, i'm starting to look forward to GP.
amazing how a new teacher effects a change in the mood of the students. :)
honestly, with mr ng arnd. i think i'd probably be motivated to work hard and pay attention and do stuff for GP. which reminds me. thatcompreAQ!
gotta go. till next time when i have something to say.

endless stress.

2005-08-14T00:56:00.000-07:00

sigh. the thought of doing the STUPID pw written report is getting on my nerves seriously.i mean, when you don't feel like doing something, naturally you'd just put it off and put if off and drag it on and drag it on.. in the end u'd have to rush it. which is what i am doing now. damnits why the hell do we have to do PW?????it's been goodness-knows-how many months and i still have not fathomed the usefulness or beneficiality of pw. arrrgggh.

btw xy, sorry for being such a slacker abt the written report. i'll edit everything and add in the surveys and analysis and bring it on mon.

went for the sec4 farewell today. and i wonder if the sec 4s this yr were thinking what the batch before them (my batch) were thinking. but i must add that looking at the sec 2s, i seriously wonder about the future of sji judo. haiz.

so many things have happened since last year's farewell. i still can't believe that it's been at least a year already since CCAs stopped for the sec 4s and studying started for the O levels. i guess no one can really envision the future. after all, what you aspire to be and what you eventually become may be miles off from your original expectations. sometimes, the crossroads of life may already be decided by chance, giving you no part to play in shaping your destiny.

on a lighter note, i found out more about a cjc judoka that i never really bothered or tried to talk to (and i wish i did.). and i've come to the realisation that within a school, there are people who hate it, and people who love it. not everyone feels the same about the same school, probably becos different ties bind the person to different loyalties. perhaps some things are just fated to be. especially for these 2 cjcians who were from chinese high and RI. they never really did fit into the cj environment becos the cj environment is similar to that of sji. i guess it must be liberation for them at the end of jc life, after all, from what one told me and my observations of their behaviour, they never really felt part of the school and hence, they hated it. and since both of them had this hate in common, they became friends. and honestly, i feel that getting to know them better during the farewell is a blessing for me becos at least i know i am not alone in grappling with the confusion of loving and hating the school i'm in. sigh. i guess one can't really change one's mindset that easily.

and finally, after this omg long paragraph of rambling, i conclude that the feeling of knowing that you're important in someone's life is like that of drinking a warm cup of strong coffee on a cold day. :) it sort of gives you the strength to carry on living especially when you are on the brink of ending it all and giving up on everything.
thank you CH for brightening up my day :)

yes. btw the previous entry was written in a fit of pique. so the language is a bit strong. and i apologise if i've offended people. :)

2005-08-08T17:40:00.000-07:00

oof. recently i've been q bz. which kind of explains the lack of updates. :X
on saturday, went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory.
it was quite good if not for the cliched ending.
i really admire roald dahl as an author. the characters he creates are all realistic portrayals of the kinds of people you'd meet in this world. greed, gluttony,indifference, lust for power. how amazing that i never did notice this point until CATCF. or perhaps i'm reading too much into it. which i what i normally do. :p
honestly, next time i ask cy and sl to go out, i shall say meet at 1.30, so they can come at 2.30 and plans will not be disrupted. ended up not being able to mug, but got lost in the glow of the arcade lights... especially since the DDR 4th mix is FINALLY in operation. but compared to 7th mix,it sucks. sl and jy wanted to play initial D, so cy and i just amused ourselves with daytona and para para and DDR. wow. :P
went to dhoby ghaut, then went to macs for dinner. wah lau i swear that the last few days i have been eating super unhealthy food la..friday was pizza, then sat was macs and pastamania, then sunday was like chicken rice with super a lot of fats.i am so going to grow in a horizontal direction. and that would be grossly disgusting. haha in the end we ended up playing 7th mix at dhoby ghaut arcade after charlie and the choc factory and a pizza @ pastamania. left at about 11 plus. and OMG i passed o sole mio there. it's supposed to be impossible to pass. :P

sunday: was a totally tragic disaster. tried to have a family conference to rectify all the problems.. but it degraded into some mudslinging affair. fuck la. how to rectify the fucking problem when one side claims to be in the right..or at least tries to put himself across as being in the right all the time? irritating. and it was more of a couple fight than a discussion. damnits. can't people keep a fucking cool head and discuss without raising voices and yelling and shouting? knn. i'm sure the whole world WANTS to know that ur having problems. i'm sure they are FUCKING DESPERATE to find that out la. damnits. pride is such a barrier in honesty. i shall not want to elaborate more.
i'm just quite irritated that people can't discuss stuff in a businesslike manner. please. like arguments using appeal to emotions do not cut it. and are pretty lame when dissected. sheesh.

oh. and yes.
today. what the hell la...i should have like TOTALLY ponned sch. firstly, attendance was not taken. secondly, we were so bored tht we (samuel suefaye yams xinling baldwin lester me) were reduced to playing UNO. so exciting right. national day celebrations PLAY UNO WORRR. *bonnk. and i realised that i should have slept in and so i could mug with more efficiency for promos! gahh. oh well. after that felix and wanlin left to get the tix for charlie and the choc factory..while i went to bugis to meet yanling thaimun corinna and angelina. somehow we ended up at bugis junction, and the food court was freaking packed. then some fucking fat pig just stole the bloody table we were waiting for. like. FUCK? hello b*stard, we were there FIRST OK. all you did was just to plump ur bloody fat ass down and took the bloody table! asshole, and you still had the guts to STARE BACK. BITCH. i hope you choke on ur food someday and die, or may the chair just collapse when ur sitting on it and cause you to have a brain haemorrhage. then after that yanling wanted to take neoprints. and pretty in tokyo in bugis junction was like totally packed. so we went to far east. wah lau again lorh. singaporeans all KENA PETRIFIED by some invisible basilisk. stone statues littered the entrance, blocking the path of people who wanted to move into the train. annoying la! wah lau in the end we had to separate and take different trains. and the beauty of the whole situation was that the inside was EMPTY. FUCKING SELFISH PRICKS. don't even have the common courtesy to MOVE IN. is it SO HARD just to take a few paces into the train carriage so that more people can actually enter the MRT? gosh man i'm starting to feel super ashamed about being a singaporean la.
hmmz. took the neoprints then went home =X. oh wells i am so freaking tired. off to sleep now to catch up with 40winks. nitey :P

and 2mr is national day. wow. i'm so excited please. when i'm supposed to stay at home and finish hw. haiz.